Lily Q Talks Clothes

Lanvin Childrenswear Makes Me Think Kids Are Less Gross

2011-06-15T09:50:00.002-04:00

If ever there was a reason to be less grossed out by the idea of pushing a bowling ball out of your lady parts, it's Lanvin for little girls. [via Stylesight]

In Case You Didn't Already Know: Alexander Wang Is Cooler Than You

2011-04-12T14:52:00.002-04:00

Alexander Wang is so fancy that he only sits on furniture upholstered in dead animal hides. Like crocodile. No big deal. (NYMag)

Pajama Jeans, The Ultimate Lose-Lose Situation

2011-01-06T20:31:00.006-05:00

As though Jeggings weren't bad enough, our collective sense of decency is now being raped by PajamaJeans. Though perhaps more flattering than Jeggings, they're certainly more terrifying, too. Jeggings aren't being infomercial-marketed to every Midwestern mom in the country. PajamaJeans, however, are being touted as the second coming, here to redeem flabby asses everywhere. For only $39.95! Check out the promo video and learn all about how these magical Denim/Spandex combinations will solve literally every problem you've ever had.

Nike Activewear is Getting Increasingly Badass

2011-01-05T23:28:00.004-05:00

For years I kind of ignored Nike, associating it with the ever-embarrassing capri leggings that my mother wore for a scarring chunk of my childhood. Aside from the occasional pair of perhaps too-ironic high top dunks, the brand felt as lamely utilitarian as New Balance without the same athletic cred. Whatever they're doing lately, though, is working. Their colors are cool -- think magenta with grey to neutralize the too-girliness -- and their shapes have altogether lost their boxiness.

Check the stuff out; it's almost as cute as Lululemon lately. Because what matters more than cuteness when you're running through 12 miles of mud, right?

I Lied.

2011-01-03T23:08:00.002-05:00

When I said that I'd moved forever to True/Slant. As it turns out, you can't blog for a blog that doesn't exist, which is currently the case with Clothes Whore on True/Slant and, in fact, True/Slant in its entirety. The site is still up, but it was acquired by Forbes and subsequently left to rot. So now I'm back, just a girl asking strangers on the internet to love her. But without the typical naked pics.

So keep checking in. (Or read my other blog, Stuff That's Neat, all the time. I promise I'm going to actually post on that one, too.)

Lipstick Queen "Red Sinner" Makes My Face Happy

2011-01-03T23:02:00.003-05:00

There's this thing that happens when you wear lipstick all day and I don't know what to call it, but it more or less amounts to a drying of the lips that makes a lady look not terribly unlike the Crypt Keeper in the mouth region. The crumbliness isn't particularly obvious from a distance, but it gets distracting up close, forcing people to wonder if you're only wearing the lipstick to distract from your truly deplorable personal hygiene skills. (For the record, I actually wear it to detract from the vampire-like paleness that renders me almost transparent in the winter.)

Fear not, though, a solution has founds its way to my mouth. Check out Lipstick Queen's uber-opaque Red Sinner for a look that's not new, but is awesome. Aside from being more or less the perfect red, it's heavy on the glycerine, eliminating the crumbly mouth situation.

Buy it here.

As an aside, why do all red lipsticks have slutty names?

I'm Moving (To Another Website)

2009-07-15T19:23:00.003-04:00

Because my blog-maintaining skills have been shameful of late, I'm moving to True/Slant.com where they'll pay me to do a better version of what I do here. I like the insane level of clothing obsession that's happened on LilyQTalksClothes but clearly require incentive to do it regularly, I think it'll be a good move. Very little will change aside from the URL. Once you're on the site, my page will look a lot like an individual blog, minus the bitchin header.

Check out MY FIRST POST, tell me what you think in the comments. And visit trueslant.com/lilyq frequently because I need hits and comments if I want to keep the job. (Have I mentioned how good you all look today? You totally do.)

Christian Audigier To Show At Paris Fashion Week. I Vomit.

2009-07-03T17:06:00.004-04:00

Christian Audigier, purveyor of all things rhinestone-encrusted and hideously illustrated, is planning to show at Spring 2010 Fashion Week in Paris this Fall. This is the guy who designs for the likes of Ed Hardy, usually shows his creations at L.A. or Miami Swim Fashion Week, and likely clothed the greasy dudes who were grinding all up on you at the club last weekend. So while designers like Christian Lacroix struggle with bankruptcy, Christian Audigier is zeroing in on their legitimate fashion turf with his truly illegitimate "designs." This makes me sad. [The Cut]

*Originally published on The Frisky.

WWWD Man Issue On Stand Now (By Which I mean Online)

2009-07-03T16:53:00.005-04:00

Know what 54 year old designer Donna Karan loves? "Music, DJin, dancing, partys going out!" She's also a fan of "just having a laugh and having it easy no worries!" Or so says the most recent issue of Women's Wear Daily parody WWWD.

In their Man Issue, released this week, WWWD delves into deep issues ranging from the size of Shia LaBeouf's package ("beyond inadequate," for the record) to whether or not rappers Pharell Williams and Kanye West are super into each other in the biblical sense.

It's questions like these, my friends, that need answering as the financial markets crash around us and the recent loss of your job forces you to trade in your apartment for an abandoned refrigerator box, stealing a wireless signal just to access some free internet porn.

A few of my favorite moments from The Man Issue:

"Today's Obsession: Knives!"- Apparently it's "time to get knife happy." Upon reading this, I deemed it time to start carrying a variety of throwing knives in pockets, purses and thigh holsters. It's getting very Mr. and Mrs. Smith up in here.
In depth WWWD coverage of Men's Fashion Week in Paris and Milan gave us an insider's look at the shows and the festivities. Lanvin designer Alber Elbaz "was credited with "getting the party started" by arriving fully nude." And we never would have known.
Dakota Fanning, two year old start of various films, likes it when men get rough with her. (Okay, she's 15. And she didn't actually say that. Whatever.)

*Originally published on The Frisky. But with fewer naughty words.

Michael Phelps Has A Perv Moustache

2009-06-16T12:17:00.001-04:00

What's with Michael Phelps' new and ongoing dedication to perv-y looking facial hair? Over the last few weeks, he's been sporting everything from a moustache/beard combo (above) to a soul patch and, most recently, a total porn star 'stache. The new fu manchu-esque moustache is so perplexing that Daily Intel has put together a slide show allowing you to study from various angles, wet dry, under water and above it. Yet somehow, 12 pictures later, the reasoning behind the face pubes remains as mystifyingly opaque as ever.

Something Terrible Has Happened

2009-05-30T01:29:00.003-04:00

I have one swimsuit top that fits, does not look hooker-esque and makes me relatively happy. It is missing. I am inclined to believe that it has been kidnapped. I am now forced to soak up skin cancer on my roof in a bra. It is highly inappropriate and behavior unbecoming of a lady. Blerg.

*Please see photographic evidence of former relative happiness above. Yes, it looks like I'm crying, but that's only because I had just been nearly eaten by a shark. If I'd been wearing a bra at the time, I'm sure it would have gotten my leg.

Time To Man Up

2009-05-30T01:21:00.004-04:00

I've been wearing flats all the time of late. I gave up on the whole "supportive shoe" initiative a while back but continued to wear flats as a sort of compromise. A compromise with myself, I guess: "Lily, if you wear flats, maybe that pulsing pain from foot to hip and ensuing grandma hobble will go away."

Anyway, not the point. The point is this: screw flats. I started wearing heels again once last week and again today and, while there is a bit of a throbbing in the aforementioned ankle, being taller than pretty much everyone is a decent trade. I'm going to consider the pain a sign that I'm manning up in the ankle region, as opposed to fucking up in the life region.

"Smart Memory Bra" Tries Waaay Too Hard

2009-05-16T03:21:00.002-04:00

The "Smart Memory Bra" is made of heat-sensitive foam that inflates and deflates based on body temperature. What this means: when you (and your chest) get all hot and bothered, this bra will inflate to push the girls up and out. The company that's making it claims the Smart Bra is inspired by fit, that "it's healthier than a normal bra because it will always provide the perfect fit." Really though, it has only one advantage over a regular bra, and it's not the fit; it will give you hooker boobs when someone's about to jump your bones.

Exactly What Happens When Guys Go Shopping

2009-05-13T11:23:00.001-04:00

Things I Want But Won't Buy For Summer

2009-05-12T23:22:00.005-04:00

Blogger sucks so the picture is blurry. It won't be if you click on it. And clothes porn is best viewed in full detail.

Poor Ginnifer Goodwin Tried To Be Hot and Fashion-y in W and Failed

2009-05-12T18:01:00.004-04:00

The spread is subtly titled "Not So Goodwin," and that seems to apply more to Ginnifer's attempt at badassness than Ginnifer Goodwin in general. Apparently the actress wanted us to forget everything we think we know about the sweet and bubbly her. Unfortunately, though she doesn't specify what she'd like us to think instead, one can surmise that she'd rather be considered a poor man's Madonna.

Given that Madonna already is a poor man's Madonna these days, the layers of confusion of Goodwin's persona choice in her W shoot are numerous.

It's not just the 80s Madge style that she's wearing, but also the young, South American man that she seems to have drugged and is, in the picture above, preparing her way with. Jesus Luz, anyone? And I love the other vested biker boy. He's looking at her all pissed like "why'd you roofie my boyfriend Ginnifer, he's just not that into you." She, of course, is turning around to be all like "wait, did he tell you that?"

Check out the rest of the shots here and don't get pissed at me for the fact that Goodwin is generally pantless with a little muffin top going on. You've been warned.

The Trench Coat Dilemma

2009-05-12T15:14:00.006-04:00

This month's Esquire just came out on newsstands and the cover is Megan Fox looking all Mr. and Mrs. Smith in a trench and underwear. It's damn hot (and so is the video of the shoot). The outfit--a classic Burberry trench from the looks of it--draws to mind those nights of surprising gentleman friends with similar get ups. Such evenings often lead to very good, umm, conversation. Or so I've been told. Whatever.

So I'm all excited about summer and even gave swimsuit shopping a failure of a go this morning (more on this later...), but imagine my dismay upon realizing that Summer's impending heat will pretty much squash all hope of trench-coated surprises. Women everywhere are mere weeks, maybe even days, away from losing the ability to wear this tried and true late night visit outfit.
There is, it seems, a major hole in the covertly-slutty-midnight-clothing market during the warm months.

So what now?

Showing up at his door in straight up underwear is skanky. And I'm pretty sure that leaving the house that way is officially frowned upon by the law. I momentarily considered my sheer organza trench from last spring as a light weight alternative. But while it remains pretty, a see through coat doesn't really solve the going outside naked problem.

I'm not prepared to call this a full-on wardrobe crisis-- we're more at threat level yellow right now--but I'm upgrading it from "something to consider" to a legitimate "issue." Yes, I handle my wardrobe problems much like they're homeland security issues.

"Inside the Chanel Fitting Room" So Fucking Weird

2009-05-11T18:17:00.002-04:00

Everyone from The Cut to Refinery 29 is linking to the Chanel fitting room video with Lara Stone like it's a gift from God. Aside from the shoe porn and a pretty awesome bejeweled shirt, I don't get what the big deal is. The whole thing's actually kind of creepy, and not in a particularly good way. From Lara's borderline invisible eyebrows to Karl sounding like a pervy director in the background and sad little attempts at playing rough between Lara and her man toy model friend, the whole thing feels far too forced.

Resuming Blogging Now. Again.

2009-05-11T18:13:00.002-04:00

Here's my requisite "I'm back" post. The excuse this time? End of the school year. Gotta hate it.
And no, you're not missing anything, the picture above has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I just love the studded floppy hat.

It's Not Creepy If There Are Diamonds Involved

2009-04-23T23:55:00.003-04:00

Call it macabre if you like, but this $24,000 bracelet/ring/skeleton is a good sort of ridiculous.

GAG ME

2009-04-22T16:36:00.000-04:00

Ohmygodpuke.

It's Earth Day, Pimp Your Dreads

2009-04-21T22:26:00.006-04:00

Earth Day comes but once a year and brings with it an overwhelming amount of pressure to make a show of caring about the environment. The thing is, I don't. Mime my mom and call it selfish between wringing your hands and yelling about "the fate of your grandchildren, oh god!" but yeah, it won't sway me. By the time the earth is going down in a great ball of flames, I'll be long dead and, if my life goes as planned*, I won't have any progeny to suffer the consequences of the water I waste and motors I leave running.

But like I said, it's Earth Day and I should at least look like I give a damn. For decency's sake and whatnot. So here's my plan: dreads. It's foolproof because everyone knows you don't have dreadlocks unless you're a full blown hippie with earth hugging tendencies the likes of which normal humans can barely comprehend. I found some instructions here and I've already gone weeks without washing my hair, so I'm basically half way there. Looks good, right?

*If my life goes as planned, I'll also be less of an ass someday, at which point I imagine I might care more about the environment.

DIY: No Sew Skirt

2009-04-21T12:32:00.015-04:00

Enough with the accessories, this week's DIY is a no sew (well, minimal sew) skirt. You don't need a machine to make it and it's really not that hard. Let's start.
What You'll Need

1.5 to 2 yards of fabric with 60 inch widths. (Sizes 0 to 6 will be fine with 1.5 yards, larger than that should move up to 2, 2.5 for sizes above 10.) If you're new to clothes making, make this really easy on yourself by choosing a checked fabric that will give you lines to follow.
An iron
Scissor
Straight pins
8 hook and eyes
Needle and thread
1 large safety pin
A paper towel
Thick fusible interfacing.
3/4 to 1 inch thick elastic the length of your waist

Cut your fabric vertically into three pieces of decreasing lengths. The longest one-- your bottom layer-- should be an inch longer than you'd like your skirt to be. To find this length, hold the fabric at your waist and find the length you'd like. The other two pieces should be similar in length but one-- the top layer-- about two inches shorter than the other.
Now you're going to "hem" your pieces on the bottom and the sides of each. Start by ironing down a portion that's 1/2 to 1 inches. Use the checks to guide you. Once you've done this to the bottom and sides of all three layers (ignore the top side, doesn't need this), cut 1 inch strips of fusible interfacing, which becomes sticky on it's underside when heat is applied, and iron it over the folded area. This will bond your hems in place. In order to avoid ruining your iron with sticky refuse, cover the fusible with a paper towel and and iron over that. Use that steam button liberally, it will make the bond stronger.
Align your bottom two layers (the two longest). They should meet at the top. Your third layer goes on top of these two, but leave two inches overhanging the tops of the other two. Fold this excess over to create a loop wide enough to fit your elastic. Sew along this line, using the checks once again to give you a straight line.Your three layers of fabric should, at this point, be sewn together with something of a tunnel at the top. Cut your elastic to the length of your waist, attach a large safety pin to the end, and guide it through the tunnel. Sew down both sides to secure the elastic in place. Once it's secure, give the elastic one quick stretch and the gathers will arrange themselves evenly once it springs back into shape
It's hook and eye time. One or two at the very top of the skirt near the elastic, another right below the sewing line and the elastic, and the rest evenly space until you reach a couple inches above the bottom.

Marc by Marc Swimwear Fairly Adorable

2009-04-20T22:08:00.003-04:00

I'm not generally a huge fan of Marc by Marc's particular brand of hipster chic, but his new swimsuits are cute enough to stifle the wannabe retro brand associations. The above is my favorite, probably due to residual nun-ly tendencies from Catholic school. You know, something about covering up for Jesus. Check out the rest of the collection here.

The Brooklyn Flea: A Few Good Finds In A Sea of Crap

2009-04-20T18:16:00.002-04:00

Check out the only decent stuff amidst table after table of absolute crap at the Brooklyn Flea. I wrote about it for The Local.

The Mystery of the $25 Nail File

2009-04-20T13:39:00.001-04:00

What makes a nail file worth $25? Well, there are crystals involved. And a fancy little carrying case. And also the air of superiority that you'll feel when you whip the thing out. But are crystal nail files like Nail Tek's $25 Swarovski-embellished model worth it when you can get a perfectly sturdy file for $1 or less?

Maybe.

The presentation-- from the crystal flowers to the carrying case-- is a little over the top. It's certainly not the nail file of the people, and not the sort of thing you'd use publicly. But the file itself, coated in finely ground crystal and supposedly impossible to wear out, is much gentler on your nails than a regular file. It's not good for heavy filing, but a great tool for shaping and refining. For those of you who consider biting your nails to a decent length maintenance, it's not worth the investment. Nail junkies might not regret the purchase though. The fact that it comes with ta lifetime guarantee also makes the blow of a double digit file a little easier to weather.

What's With the Padding?

2009-04-20T12:15:00.000-04:00

Due to an apparent inability to grow up, buying bras still makes me wildly uncomfortable. Decided between the lace and the lycra, dodging over eager salespeople as they come uncomfortably close to your goods, tape measure in hand, the whole thing feels a tad traumatic. Rather than face the fear, I've moved my underwear shopping to the internet. The vast web, I assumed, would make my search so much easier.

Well, it did cut down on the embarrassed, squirmy factor, but it also resulted in a confusion so dense that I have yet to sort through it. No, it's not the myriad clasps and shapes and colors. That I get, even if I don't like it. Much less comprehensible is the padding.

Will someone please explain to me why anyone would wear a 34D padded bra? In what universe does that make any sense? It's like having a little too much ass going on and addressing the situation by eating a gallon of ice cream. It doesn't compute. And yet there they are, row after row of padded bras in sizes like 36DD.

I know plenty a small chested girl who's fallen back on the padding method and I suppose being born with boy chest does entitle you to a little futzing every now and again. But isn't all that padding false advertising? I mean, the assumption is that you're wearing the padded bra so that someone will want to see you naked. Then, the second that happens, the whole illusion falls to pieces. As a friend of mine so aptly put it when I misguidedly ranted at him about this: "by the time she's naked, trust me, no guy is going to care." Touche sir, but I still don't get it.

Got This Awesomely Tragic Painting At the Brooklyn Flea Today

2009-04-18T20:16:00.003-04:00

Look Less Homeless, Please

2009-04-17T13:57:00.001-04:00

You know how you think that no one but you notices those nasty little fabric pills on your sweaters? You're wrong. Everyone sees them and at least half of the people looking are now wondering if you're homeless. Clearly, you can't be having that.

Now, it would be one thing if this weren't a fixable situation, if pills, once formed, could never be removed except one at a time by hand at the cost of your sanity. But that's not the case. Removing those icky little clumps of gathered fiber that make even the once-pretties of cashmere sweaters look like dish rags are easily disposed of.

Personally, I keep my knits fresh with a plain old shaving razor. It sounds ominous and potentially ruinous to clothing, but I've never had a ripping or snagging issue in years of using this method. All you do is pull the knit taut and run the razor over the pills gently, watching your old sweater emerge from the death grip of wear and tear. If you're still not convinced that your sweater won't end up as bloody as your legs after shaving, trying a fabric shaver instead. Travel size ones, which are good enough to tackle all but the most messed up of garments, will run you $10 to $25 and save you quite a lot more than that in sweater replacement costs. Just lay your knit flat and run the shaver over the surface, avoiding any embroidery.

Hippie Bullshit

2009-04-16T14:15:00.007-04:00

We've all got that hippie-esque friend who insists that hair is best when unwashed and shaving your pits is for yuppies. We put up with them because they can not shave all they like and our legs are still stubble free. But having them around comes at a price: you'll probably end up trying some of their "awesome" hippie products at one point or another.

The thing is, chemicals suck and probably give us cancer, but the natural options usually leave us rubbing hippie bullshit all over our bodies and praying for a miracle. Know what? Your miracle's not coming because that's a crystal you just rubbed under your pits and that means you're going to continue smelling like day old ass. Sorry to bust your bubble, my dreadlocked friend.

I asked around and came up with some heinous hippie crap that is less beautifying than it is utterly useless and kind of funky smelling. Here goes...

(*Sorry about the pic. I know it's revolting, but I'm trying to prove a point.)

According to officemate Jess, "Burt's Bees Shea Butter Hand Repair Creme looks and feels like baby diarrhea! I just feel like I am smearing doo doo on my hands. It doesn't work as well as other hand creams, either." Yeah, we'll pass.
Dr. Bronner's "All in One" soap is definitively not magical, as the website claims. The company has been weaving that particular rug of BS for more than 60 years, meaning that your grandma's hippie friend probably used it to wash her car, hair and brush her teeth, too. Stop the cycle and insist on seperate products for your teeth and your fender, it's the decent thing to do.
Similarly lame and yet inexplicably popular is Tom's of Maine deodorant. Not only does it fail to keep away the stank, it also adds a little funky stench of its own and provokes nasty little rashes in sensitive skinned users. In short, the staff here at The Fetching universally opposes its us. And we spend way too much time thinking about beauty products, so you can totally trust us on this one.
While we're on the subject of smelling narsty, let's talk about crystal "deodorant." Actually, there's not much to say; it isn't deodorant andyou can rub it on all you like but you'll still be the weird smelling kid in the back of the bus.

DIY: Bling-y Bracelet

2009-03-26T13:58:00.012-04:00

It's that time again kiddies. And by "that time," I mean time to whip out your glue guns and wire cutters like the wee little closet craft dork that you are. (Okay, so maybe that's just me.)
What You'll Need:

1.5 feet of the ribbon of your choice. If it's thin, it can be up to an inch or so wide. If you're going with something less flexible (like velvet), keep it closer to half an inch. I like thin silk best because it's really flexible.
6 feet of chain. I went with copper chain at 2.30/foot.
An old brooch or vintage belt buckle
Wire cutters and scissors
One medium sized clasp
Jewelry making rings (the little circular connectors). 8 small, 6 med/large. For the little ones, I went with split rings, which are basically like tiny little key chain loops in that you'll attach them to your chain like you'd put your keys onto a key ring.
Hot glue or super glue.

Fold your chain in half, using your wire cutters to cut it in the middle. Continue to do this with the resulting pieces until you have 16 chains about 2 inches longer than your wrist.
Attach for chains at a time to your small rings, putting a ring on each end. You'll end up with 4 groups of four chains.
Take two of your big rings and loop two of your bunches on to each one. Do the same with two more big rings on the other side. You'll now have two pieces, each with a total of 8 chains.Thread your ribbon through the brooch, buckle, whatever charm-like item you're using to bling out your bracelet. Secure it in place with hot glue so it doesn't slide around all loose and free like hooker.

Double loop your ribbon through the two big loops below the clasp, tying a cute little knot.
Now you've got three pieces: two chain groups and one ribbon with a big ass medallion. Braid them together.
When you get to the end, loop your ribbon into the other two big rings (like you did at the top of the braid), and tie.
Take your last big ring and loop it through the two rings you just tied the ribbon through (like the other side, minus the clasp.)You're going to want to get a little hot glue action going here to secure the knots. ("A little hot glue action" will never sound good.)
Trim those ribbon ends to whatever length you like and you're done.

More Old Jewelry Made Into Hair Stuff

2009-03-20T18:52:00.005-04:00

Phase two of the Turning All That Crappy Old Jewelry Into Kind of Cool Hair Accessories Project is now under way. Phase One (the caps are necessary) was really easy, but this one is even more simple. Literally impossible to screw up, in fact. You'd have to be retarded. And I'm talking drooling all over yourself, politically incorrect to make fun of retarded.

Take an old beaded necklace, lay the thing across the top of your head as you'd wear a headband, loop the elastic through the ends of the necklace (at the nape of your neck), and tie it snuggly. Use elastic in stead of string so that it will stay on without having to be retied. The best part of this project is that it's not at all permanent. So if you flip flop a little and decide that you actually love the jewelry and need to wear it again, all you have to do is remove the elastic.

The Only Thing That Goes With Crocs Is Social Ostracism -Maddox

2009-03-20T18:28:00.004-04:00

As it turns out, there may be a single upside to These Tough Times. Crocs, purveyors of heinous, plastic footwear, may not be able to weather the economic storm. WWD reports that Crocs stock dropped a whopping 19% since an accounting firm suggested that Crocs may not make it through the recession. The numbers are a little boring. All that matters is this: the supply of plastic clogs that the sartorially misguided cling to with such ferocity may go away and never come back.

Put Some Old Crap In Your Hair

2009-03-20T18:00:00.005-04:00

Magazine editors keep telling us to shop our closets, making new outfits of great stuff we already have. The thing is, while most of said editors probably have a trove of gifted three year old YSL to mix with last Spring's Gucci kicks and a new Lanvin necklace, I know what's in my closet and it's starting to feel pretty tired. How do I know this? I ripped that thing apart last night and got pretty depressed real quickly.

After my lackluster closet finds, I moved on to an old jewelry box hoping to find some awesome stuff I'd forgotten about. Not so much. Full of manky old chains, pins that I'll never wear and necklaces that I'm tired of, disappointment became the theme of the night. But just as I was ready to admit defeat and acknowledge that I'm a really terrible closet shopper, I spotted my hot glue gun across the room and realized that there's nothing hot glue can't fix.

With this in mind, I spent the morning turning all sorts of crappy and vintage jewelry into hair stuff.. First up is a really easy one: turn an old brooch into a quite cool barrette in literally ten minutes. You can use a pin of your own, your mom or grandma's old costume jewelry or something from a vintage shop. Mine is a plastic bow with a bronze band. It belonged to my mom way back in the day.

Here we go:

All you need is a barrette ($2-3 for 12 at most craft stores), hot glue gun and some wire cutters (or pliers).
Cut or pull the pin part of the brooch off, leaving a bare surface on the back
Cover the back of your barrette in hot glue, attach your brooch, hold in place for about ten seconds.
That's it.

How To Look Homeless But Call It A DIY Project

2009-03-19T17:59:00.001-04:00

If any of you start double stick taping zippers to your clothing, please email me pics so I can make so much fun of you. These are terrible ideas.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

DIY Silk Wrapped Headbands

2009-03-19T14:33:00.013-04:00

I did a little math this morning and came to the depressing realization that I've spent almost $1,000 on headbands over the last few years. (Also the similarly tragic conclusion that I suck at basic math). Can you imagine the shoes I could have bought with that money? Damn it.

Anyway, I'm done with headband buying and on to headband making.
What You'll Need:

1 cheap plastic headband from the drugstore. If you spend more than $3/headband, you're doing something wrong. (I used one a little thicker than the one in the link.)
1 yard each of 3/4 inch ribbon and 1-3 inch ribbon. The thinner stuff is for the wrapper, the thicker for the bow, if you're into that.
A hot glue gun or fabric glue. I prefer hot glue guns because a) they're more badass, and b) less ooze-y.
Scissors

Glue your thinner ribbon to the inside of either end of the headband, angling it slightly upwards. Wrap it around a couple more times, gluing on the underside as you go in order to lock that shit down.
Keep wrapping, gluing on the underside every other wrap. Once you get to the curvy areas, you might want to use a tiny bit of glue on the outside as well. Use sparingly though, you don't want sticky crap all over the outside of your headband.
Once you arrive at the other end, do the double wrap again, glue the end of the ribbon to the underside, and cut off the excess. If you're not adding the bow, you're done here. (But WHY WOULD YOU NOT ADD THE BOW?)
Tie your bow with the thicker ribbon. But tie it off the headband and very loosely.
Slide it onto your band, sticking the arm of the headband through the very back loop. Slide it around, try it on, figure out where you want your offensively large bow to sit.
Once you've made your very serious placement decision, pull the bow tight, adjust the size of the loops and secure it in place with a bit of glue underneath the loops on either side.Cut off the excess ribbon, add extra glue wherever you want the bow loops to stay attached to the bow ends, put on your plaid skirt and have at it.

I Lurve That Pic

2009-03-19T11:07:00.003-04:00

Lurve Mag is out. The cover and shot above are all I've seen thus far, but it's literally impossible for me to disapprove when there are twoering heels and tutus involved.

Dumb Crap I Buy

2009-03-17T15:17:00.003-04:00

In the ultimate act of sheer laziness, I just bought a wet to dry hair straightener. My thinking was this: it's cold out, leaving the house with wet hair is no fun, blow dryers are awfully heavy and cumbersome...this'll be easier! Completely ignoring the fact that I have straight hair and blow drying is not actually difficult, I was roped in by the "wet to dry in 2 seconds" claim that came along with the $150 ISO straightener I ordered.

As it turns out, your hair needs to be almost 90% dry before you use the straightener. While this is useful for ladies with naturally curly or frizzy hair as it allows them to skip the blow drying altogether and use the straightener before their hair starts going crazy, it is useless for me. I suppose that's what I get for being a moron.

Some Unrealistic Material Desire

2009-03-14T14:52:00.003-04:00

It's obviously not happening, but I'm really in love with the Louis Vuitton Fall '09 tutu skirts. They're actually incredibly wearable and almost too pretty for words.

Does ANYBODY Know Who's Carrying These Louboutins?

2009-03-14T00:39:00.007-04:00

Ohmygodineedthem.

ReThread For Less Money

2009-03-14T00:22:00.007-04:00

Made an awesome discovery: Thread Social, purveyors of quite cool party dresses at a relatively reasonable $500ish, offer some of their classic shapes for way less, too. The line's called ReThread and uses the excess fabric from the main line, same shapes too. But instead of $500, dresses are about $185 and skirts are generally under $100. I'm thinking about the black and white one shouldered one to the left. The skirts are also quite cool, but uncomfortably reminiscent of everything I own already.

Who Wants To Color On My Chest?

2009-03-13T16:28:00.007-04:00

I have spent years in search of the perfect bra. The thing is, I wear a 34D (yeah, maybe too much information, whatever), and it's almost impossible to find a good one. Either it's a lace-covered industrial support device up to my chin or, well, the same thing but without the stupid little flourishes. I'd damn near given up on the endeavor when a friend linked me to The Doodle Bra.

It's literally the best and most awful underwear concept ever. The [probably really crappy] bra comes with a set of permanent markers for embellishing. Who needs a sketch book or party games when your friends can entertain themselves with your chest all night long?
It's a different sort of boob-based entertainment than they're used to, but they'll adjust and your filthy neighborhood porn shop will go out of business.

Batshit Model at Terry Richardson/Purple Mag Shoot

2009-03-13T16:19:00.001-04:00

Purple #11 from Purple Magazine on Vimeo.

Mother of god, that is terrifying.

Big Ass Bows

2009-03-13T00:08:00.012-04:00

I've been wearing my big ass black net hair bow for a couple of years now. Long before there was a Blair Waldorf to be referenced, Lily's offensively large bow was around. Back in the day when the only thing it reminded people of was pedophilia, it was there, and it meant business. But now that Gossip Girl has ruined the huge hair bow for all of us, I no longer have a reason to closely guard the secret of my big ass net bow. So here goes...

What you'll need:

A yard of black plastic net ribbon. (Technically, you can use any color, but make the wise choice and go with black.) I don't remember the stuff's technical name, but you can get it at pretty much any fabric store and it's crazy cheap.
Two bobby pins. Also black because, well, duh.
Scissors
Needle and black thread
Clear nail polish

Fold the netting into three layers. It'll have natural creases, so you'd have to be borderline retarded to mess this part up.Scrunch the layers into a bow shape to help you decide how big you want it to be. For me, enormous is best. You may be a tad more subtle (read "pansy-like") and go a bit smaller.
Take your needle and thread and tie it through the center of the three layered portion (center both side to side and top to bottom). Knot it off to secure the netting to some degree. Now, stitch upward all the way to the top, pull tight to gather the netting, and know that crap off. Now stitch on back to the middle, knot again, and repeat. You should have a bow at this point.
Attach two bobby pins to the underside of the bow. The reasoning for this should be fairly obvious.
Trim the excess netting and coat with clear nail polish to prevent fraying. You can also encase the ends in black ribbon if you want to be super classy. It'll take an extra few minutes, but it'll also be way more awesome.
The end.

I Met My Boyfriend At A Sample Sale

2009-03-12T14:42:00.002-04:00

Thanks Jim.

McQueen Models Looked Busted, Not Artistic

2009-03-12T02:12:00.006-04:00

Clothes For Sitting Around/Getting Fat In

2009-03-11T02:20:00.007-04:00

I'm back in Chicago and bed-bound once again. I'll spare you the details, but admit that there's a hell of a lot of lying around being done. Also a lot whining, doctor visiting and e-browsing. But while Net-A-Porter generally provides the necessary fashion crack, looking at clothes that don't easily translate onto a couch, bed or other soft surface conducive to drugged out resting is getting a bit maudlin.

Instead, I have taken to studying the merits of various types of lounge wear. This is a sad development, but it is the current state of my life and I am powerless to fight it. Here are the things I have learned from my new area of exploration:

Nightgowns seem fun but are actually a bit drafty and sad to wear all day when the house is empty save for you and your housekeeper, a man who spends his time listening to oldies on a mini radio while ironing your mom's underwear.
Your brother's oversize hooded sweatshirts allow you to pretend that it's the extra material, not the extra fat, making you look like a beached whale. This is a useful trick to play on yourself, even if you know it's complete BS. (My mother says I swear too much on my blog, this is me appeasing her.)
Onesies are both the ideal pajama and the ideal anytime outfit. This is provided, of course, that your "anytime" resembles mine and consists of hours spent curled up in the fetal position under blankets. While the girl in the onesie above is not technically "me," I maintain that I'd look like her in my onesie if I were, you know, black, well kempt, and a Victoria's Secret Model.

I was cute once, I swear.

Looks Like I'm An 80's Commuter Now

2009-03-11T02:04:00.006-04:00

Know what's more tragic than than having holes drilled through your ankle bones, three months in a boot cast and several more months not being able to wear heels? Your doctor saying that you have to wear "sensible shoes" for a while. And no, Chucks don't count. You sit there in his office thinking about how he used to seem like a nice guy and how that facial hair doesn't look jovial anymore so much as sinister. "Yes!" you say to yourself (in the head because previous experiments with conspiracy theorizing aloud haven't gone well for you) "This must all have be an elaborate plot to get me into "supportive" shoes."

Well, Dr. Lapinski, congratulations on a coup well-executed. You recognized the my weak spot (footwear), took on powerful allies (my mother and all of her nagging capabilities) and shamed me to such a degree that I have little dignity left (I'll be wearing Nike gym shoes, like, always.) Touche, sir.

Let's Talk About YSL

2009-03-11T01:51:00.005-04:00

And how rage-y and happy it made me all at once. The leather overalls and too-bulky jackets were a hot mess. But those gorgeously draped white blouses and leather gloves were the stuff of wet dreams.

Stuff Lily Makes; Stuff You Should Buy

2009-03-09T23:27:00.003-04:00

I used to harbor a semi-secret desire to be a designer. But once a couple of stores actually placed orders, having to size and make everything felt insurmountably difficult and I decided to stick with making puffy, often see through skirts and dresses for myself. Lately though, I've gotten into jewelry making. And I quite like it.

I like it so much, in fact, that I've started selling my stuff. Helen Yi and Verse in Chicago are my first stops. Both stores will be carrying a handful of necklaces within the next few weeks. I'm also selling them directly though at StuffLilyMakes.com. Most of the pictures are pretty crappy (working on it), but the site will give you a general idea of what things look like. I'll be adding hair stuff, bracelets, and tops (think black fitted tee with a gathered organza collar, grey cardigans with peach tulle popping out of the sleeves). Email me at LilyQ88@gmail.com if there's anything you're interested in.

Thanks!

Onesie

2009-03-07T01:15:00.002-05:00

That is all.

An Ode to Seche Vite Top Coat

2009-03-03T23:01:00.008-05:00

I paint my nails four to seven times a week. I call it dedicated. My roommate calls it "an illness" and suggests that I "get help, psycho." What she fails to realize is that this hobby (fine, obsession) has left me with the sort of nail product knowledge that chipped-polish girls everywhere wish they could get their grubby, badly manicured little hands on. Today, let's talk top coat.

Go ahead and buy your shitty drug store brand polish, whatever. But do not go anywhere near that $4 top coat. As far as I'm concerned, there is only one option when it comes to quick dry top coat: Seche Vite. If this is starting to sound a little dramatic, it's only because this is an issue of immense importance. Unlike your standard Sally Hansen fare with its watery consistency and utter uselessness, Seche Vite means business. Wait two minutes after painting, cover your second coat with this stuff and your nails may very well be dry before you have time to fuck them up with your fidgeting (about 3 minutes).

Case in point (above): Yeah, it seems that I'm about to snap that guy's neck, but don't try to tell me those nails aren't looking great.

Fakes Are Stupid

2009-03-03T22:30:00.004-05:00

Let's talk about the mounds of counterfeit crap that populates not only the streets of Chinatown, but also the internet and the closets of so many girls who think they're fooling anyone. I pride myself on being a particularly good (read "vicious") fake spotter and feel no guilt about exposing its owner in public. Here's why:

Fakes are stupid. Carrying/wearing fake anything is the most obnoxious form of label-whoring, the sort that isn't even deterred by the fact that you're not even wearing a legitimate label. I'm certainly not saying that designer clothes are the only way to go, but at least be classy enough to be a tad more creative and a hell of a lot less desperate.
The whole sweatshop kiddie labor thing. I hear that the fake trade is supplied by lots of little third world babies working long hours and probably losing limbs in industrial accidents.
You look like a moron with that Prado bag and those Channel glasses.

And now, how to avoid buying fakes:

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. There's no way that some guy on Ebay is selling you this season's Chanel for a quarter of the price, it's literally impossible. What he's trying to pawn off on you is a faux silk lined piece of crap that'll probably be plagued with wobbly stitching and that nasty pleather smell.
Pay attention to the packaging. The differences are generally fairly subtle, but often visible even in pictures. The boxes below, for example, are obvious fakes. My aunt came back from Italy thinking she'd scored a shit ton of awesome belts as Christmas presents and even I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd been swindled hard core. The "Gucci" font, you see, is much closer to Times New Roman than the real Gucci font is and the "Louis Vuitton" boxes have rough, cardboard-y edges. Real luxury brands have unfailingly luxurious packaging. Always.
Don't always trust the feedback numbers on auction sites. The thing is, people are stupid. And desperate. Desperate enough to have a cool bag that they'll stupidly believe the plastic-wrapped pos they jsut received from Bangkok is a real Fendi. Look closely at the pictures, checking for bad stitching and hardware that looks over shiny or far too matte.

Just Cause I Like It

2009-02-27T10:55:00.002-05:00

Browsing Josh'Shots and came across this pic from The Moth last week. I just think it's cool looking. And this is my blog, so I can post whatever I want. Sucks that my nails are way more photogenic than the rest of me though.

Post Fashion Week Bitchiness

2009-02-22T03:11:00.009-05:00

Now that fashion week and the whole TBNYU! Kimmel fiasco are finished, I can finally post the mortifyingly bad outfits and accessories that I semi-sneakily photographed in/around the tents at Bryant Park. Yes, the important stuff.

In case it was unclear, that is, in fact, a purple feather covered dress in the picture above. And yes, a vinyl bow bag. One thing I will say for this poor soul is that she is not actually eating said bag, it just looks that way. Unsurprisingly, it was something along the lines of a hot dog that she was actually eating. Apparently she didn't understand that Fashion Week is a time neither for food nor dressing like a morbidly obese dodo bird. (No, I don't actually know what a dodo looks like.)

And here we have a classic case of a perfectly attractive female fucking herself hard with heinous accessories. A Mink baseball cap? Seriously? Did she have to have that custom made? I hope so. People should have to pay exorbitantly for choices this aggressively stupid.

I'm not sure who this is, but the general flurry of activity around her at the Carlos Miele show suggested some sort of vague, fashion-y notoriety, presumably for years of dressing like a particularly terrifying clown, white face makeup and all. The grim reaper rendition of the Chiquita Banana girl is too perplexing to address. Why she felt the need to carry both a Prada resort tote and the matching clutch is similarly mystifying. Props on that hat though, pretty sweet.

Apparently this pink pleather bustier wearing woman was on Rock of Love (or some similarly trashy show). Why she was sitting front row at Tony Cohen remains a mystery. She then proceeded to bounce around the Tresemee lounge, fake boobs all over the place, collagen threatening to burst from her lips.

Don't Be That Batshit Crazy Lady With Lipstick All About Your Face

2009-02-19T14:56:00.003-05:00

Everyone's talking about the whole raspberry colored lips thing that's been all over the runways for the last week and, yeah, I'm into the look. But the possibility of the color from my berry kissed kissers ending up smeared all over my teeth and cheeks is terrifying. No one wants to look like the crazy drunken aunt who can't quite keep her lipstick inside the lines. There's a reason why that particular relative brings a half empty bottle of wine to Christmas, and it's not something I'm looking to tap into.

But the possibility of missing out on raspberry lips and being cast outside the fashion-y ranks, forced to reside amongst those 20 somethings still clad in Esprit and Target non-designer-collaboration lines is too fearsome to ignore. So I've devised a foolproof method of rocking the deep red lips without ending up alone with cats, drinking red wine in the bathtub: lip stain. The stuff is like a gift from the gods, allowing me to look au courant in the lip region without checking my reflection for mess ups in every semi-shiny surface.

Give Benefit's $28 tint a try for a light look. Want to be a little more true to runway? Laura Mercier's $20 stain in a pot is the way to go.

Clothes I Can Wear? How BORING.

2009-02-19T12:55:00.005-05:00

Brian Reyes, an Oscar De La Renta alum, has been known for his lovely, ladylike looks since he broke away from papa De La Renta and started his own collection in 2006. I knew this going into his show this morning. But it's been seven days of neon fur and crotch high bondage boots that put their thigh high predecessors to shame, so pardon me if the Brian Reyes runway show with its reserved dresses and incredibly wearable separates felt like a bit of a let down. How can one be expected to go from hats covered in baseball-sized pom poms to pretty and proper without a vague feeling of anti-climax? I mean, I'm not trying to change out of my blogging pajamas and go all the way to Bryant Park to watch dopplegangers of the awkward, skinny girl from work march around looking marginally better than usual.

After a few minutes of getting acclimated though, Reyes turned into one of the most comfortable shows I've been to thus far. Where folks like Marc Jacobs and Preen are clearly going for sheer over-the-topness (yeah, that's a word now), Reyes spent the season making his classic sensibility more distinctive with asymmetrically constructed skirts and and awesome line of self-designed handbags and jewelry designed for him by Roxanne Assoulin. Elle Magazine's Joe Z (of Joe Z's A to Z column) called the show "so grown up, so sophisticated," and loved the barefoot finale, which was inspired by the fact that literally four models had to remove their ill-fitting Manolos. "It was soooo cute and charming. Goes to show that Bryan doesn't take everything so seriously," he cooed while exiting the tents.

It certainly wasn't the wow-worthy excess of Marc, but Reyes refinement and wearability were a refreshing step away from the frivolity of fashion week. But still...

Sound Track for Stomping

2009-02-17T14:02:00.004-05:00

Cynthia Steffe's hard core bitches stomped the runway to "No You Girls" from Franz Ferdinand's new CD, "Tonight."
Temperley London skipped the show this season, but their Fall/Winter '09 video rocked out to Kings of Leon's "Molly's Chamber."
If you're looking for smooth and upbeat, look no further than Max Decastro, the dreadlocked little Brazilian man who played on Carlos Miele's runway last Monday.
Thuy played "Nights of the Week" by Apes and Androids as their piped jackets marched about to much applause.
Cool and laid back as always, ADAM marched its models to the sound of Of Montreal.
Halston's creepy cool music video is worth a look, even if it didn't make it to the runway.

Badgley Mischka Predictably Pretty

2009-02-17T13:38:00.006-05:00

I want to say that I fell in love with the sparkly, sumptuous dresses that marched one after the other down the Badgley Mischka runway this morning. But I can't. It feels unfair to penalize the duo for seasons of gorgeousness, but their past has left me numb to their present which, though certainly lovely, is essentially more of the same.

Nonethless, editors galore (Anna Wintour's seat left vacant!) crowded The Tent at Bryant Park, filling the area to it's enormous capacity. Also present were a 90210 girl, Brittany Snow and that kid from Ugly Betty. Don't ask me why, I really couldn't say.

Cynthia Steffe Heavy On Silk, Light On Awesome

2009-02-17T13:15:00.007-05:00

New York based Cynthia Steffe is known for rough edged ruffles and the fact that the Meatpacking District shop is also the brand's production studio-- so much more chic than a sweatshop, right? I've been a fan for a few seasons now, so much a fan, in fact, that I was willing to drag my ass to her 9am show this morning. Depressingly, I'm not sure it was worth it.

Things started slowly with jewel tone silk dresses the likes of which I feel like I've seen a million times. Quite cool leather gloves and strappy boot sandals livened the fairly dull looks until some more heavy hitting stuff came on though. Amongst the show saviors were a gold brocade cocoon coat and a black jacket with mini cape-like detailing that I plan on copying hard core.

I wasn't a lover of the peacock prints, which looked a bit heavy handed, but overheard one first row girl saying "the long peacock dress will end up in my closet if it's the last thing I do." Then again, she was wearing a cream colored summer dress in the middle of the winter...

I Die

2009-02-17T00:50:00.003-05:00

Until about three minutes ago, all I'd seen from the Erin Featherston show were the crystal-encrusted rabbit mask hats. In my haste to ponder (read "twitter") whether or not I could potentially get away with wearing one of them to class, I neglected to look at the rest of the show. And now I have. And now I'm sad.

Sad not because it was a disaster, but because it's the first time that Fetherston has shown a collection that is so pretty that it depresses on the spot. Her silly days of girly shifts with ruffled sleeves have turned into something decidedly more adult, and quite a lot darker. No we have teacup skirts made of deep, blood reds, silvers and blacks. The sense of whimsy and little girl pretty is not lost, least of all on the bleach blond designer and her grade school blunt banged bob. But it's a cuteness tempered with a serious interest in fashion and it's so good looking that not being able to wear it right now actually hurts me in a place I'd call my soul if I didn't know better.

Chris Benz Adorable Almost All Around

2009-02-16T19:58:00.004-05:00

Chris Benz's Chelsea presentation was an ever-so-adorable reminder of why sometimes studded badassness and black leather isn't what you want. Always a lover of colors, Benz did not disappoint with a collection heavy on the primaries but also infused with a bit of black, beige and a few well-executed prints. (And the fur, oh the fur...).

Benz, quite possible as cute as his collection in mismatched converse, jeans and a blazer, said the looks are "sort of about going back to the basics. I wanted it to feel very New York, and reflect the last time the city was in flux with the economy and everything." Though I didn't expect him to choose a favorite from amongst his babies, Benz quickly told me that the yellow number to the left is his number one, calling it "just fun and kicky."

It was amongst many fun and kicky numbers, several of which were beyond wearable, kind of a fun thing to see during fashion week.

Tony Cohen a Mixed Bag. But One I'd Totally Steal If Everyone Was Looking the Other Way.

2009-02-16T19:02:00.004-05:00

Things weren't looking great as the first model traipsed down Tony Cohen's Bryant Park runway. The hair, gelled down on one side and hanging free on the other, was cool and the high, spiked heels pretty sweet. But the outfit was a very beige-y sort of bland and I found myself looking at my watch, enormous bitch style.

Thankfully, things got a bit more exciting as the show went on, beige jackets replaced by sheer black tops with ostrich feathers artfully woven down their fronts. Also awesome was a black shearling coat with an unusual sheen and really great, piecey construction. Cohen worked textures well, taking boring shift dress shapes and using as many as six different fabrics of the same color to keep it from boring me to tears.

I sat behind Leigh Lezark of The Misshapes, remembering nostalgically the time a couple years back when that might've been really cool. Now she's just a pretty, small girl with a really awesome ruffled scarf. But I caught her on her way to "run backstage and see if I can, you know, borrow those shoes," and she said that The Misshapes picked the music. It was an anthem fit for stomping and suited the show rather well, she said that a lot of it was Beck, which seemed a good fit. Damn her for being able to "borrow" those shoes though...

Carlos Miele Show Quite Fun

2009-02-16T13:34:00.008-05:00

As is his way, Brazilian designer Carlos Miele went loud, fun and a little dirty at his show this morning. Loud was the vaguely ethnic music, fun were the printed, multi-tonal looks and slightly dirty looking was Max Decastro, who played guitar on the runway, dreadlocks and all.

Though big name front row action was minimal, the show was pleasant and upbeat, two tone tube dresses followed by intricately pleated evening gowns and a few great fur evening boleros. My personal favorites were the pleated boleros and a ruched mini dress with on long sleeve and shoulder embellished with a metallic epaulette. Model Arlenis Sosa preferred her last look though, a dual printed long gown that she called "very cool, comfortable and elegant for cocktails or more fancy." Gossip Girl's Amanda Setton, on the other hand, was a fan of the seperates, especially a short black cashmere jacket "with amazing workmanship."

His spring price points jumped hugely this year (long dresses used to be about $2,800-$4,500, now some will run upwards of $8,000) but I spoke with Miele the other day and he says that his team is working on lowering prices for fall. Fingers crossed that this means my assymmetrical epaulette dress will be, like, $50.

Pink Pom Poms, Much Tartan at DVF

2009-02-15T19:14:00.004-05:00

The pom pom sweatshop that Diane Von Furstenberg operated out of her Meatpacking District offices in preparation for this afternoon's show paid off. The styling was characteristically lovely and the odd poufed hats somehow didn't feel all that odd. Though Anna Wintour sat through the entire show looking bitchy and bored, I quite liked the high texture mixed material layers and pretty pink tartans.

Lorick Show Kind of Lame

2009-02-14T16:31:00.007-05:00

Lorick's pretty collection of grey, blue and black frocks with plunging backs and fun full skirts developed a mean case of multiple personality disorder midway through her show last nigh, morphing into a decidedly less pleasing, vaguely ethnic jumble of colors. I loved the first several looks, particularly the black dress above, for which I'd willingly part with a kidney. But the yellow blue and red looks that came later on weren't even worth a fingernail, and those grow back.

Add to that the heavy handed black liner, oddly pink lips and the Nine West and Boutique 9 shoes that proved ill-fitting, cheap looking and easily lost on the runway (three models had issues) and the show was unexpectedly disappointing. It was, however, redeemed somewhat by the ballerina-esque braids buns with small pieces of tulle hanging assymetrically over one eye. Head Bumble and Bumble stylist Sabrina Michals confided that the hair style concept was changed last minute and let us in on the secret of the controlled, matte look: surf spray before you begin drying the hair.

Also serving as a show savior was the unusual source of music. "They found him on YouTube and flew him in from England for the show," said attendee and friend of the designer Mark Sarosi of the acordian player who provided the show's somber soundtrack. Were pretty hair and quirky music enough to save the show? Probably not. Sitting across from Amanda Setton (Gossip Girl's Penelope) and sneakily taking pictures to post here? Maybe.

Twittering from the Tents

2009-02-13T13:15:00.003-05:00

Hey all, I've just started a Twitter for LQClothes and I'll be Tweeting fashion week happening from the tents, presentations, whatever. Heading over to Bryant park in an hour or so, follow my feed here.

Fuck Me For Missing Rachel Roy

2009-02-13T10:32:00.004-05:00

Rachel Roy stepped slightly away from her usual prim and proper schtick this year and the results were pretty legit. It was impossible not to notice the blatant YSL copy catting in the hair and makeup (black bob wigs and lips? really?) but the clothing itself was unusually sexy in spite of the muted tones that dominated the presentation. Makes me a bit pissed at myself for missing it yesterday out of sheer laziness.

Would kill for: this, this, and this.

NO

2009-02-12T20:13:00.001-05:00

Sweet jesus, absolutely not.

Jerry Hall Fizzles for Chanel

2009-02-12T10:51:00.002-05:00

Jerry Hall's the sort of older woman that kind of depresses everyone because she looks damn good and probably a hell of a lot better than any of us will at her age. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that, regardless of how good she looks for her age, I don't need to see her all negligee-d out and doing the hair tossing thing in bed for Chanel's ad campaign.

So shame on you, Chanel, for taking a perfectly attractive older lady and dressing her up like a cougar-y tart. More than that though, tsk tsk for making it boring as hell to boot.

It's Britney Bitch

2009-01-27T23:23:00.003-05:00

Well, it's Lily, actually. But, in what is probably one of the more depressing developments of my recent life, that's the line I thought of when searching for an allusion to a comeback.

In any event, I'm back after nearly two weeks of sartorial silence. It was a tragic time in which my flash judgments and ongoing obsession was thrust upon my disinterested friends rather than my semi-interested readers.

And now, for no particular reason: do it.

I Hope Someone Paid Her to Wear That

2009-01-15T20:38:00.004-05:00

My dad's of the opinion that I'm an indiscriminate label whore, a designer slut who'd turn any trick for a Prada bag. Because he's so elderly (54) and probably developing early onset alzheimers (definitely isn't), I can't be too mad about his confusion. But I can prove him wrong by making fun of Jessica Alba.

Sound like a bit of a leap? Roll with me on this one...

I've always been something of an Alba fan. She's ethnic so liking her makes me spicy, but I don't have to commit to a full-on J.Lo-during-the-Selena-years thing, which is actually a little terrifying. So imagine the horror of seeing my favorite semi-Latina wearing pajamas in public. And at the premier of My Bloody Valentine, no less. A sure-to-be-shitty movie premier and she's in sleepwear? For shame.

Technically they're Dolce and Gabbana runway so they should be cool by default. But once you remove your head from its cozy nesting spot in Gabbana's ass and look at the silken creation he hath wrought, calling the outfit cool by default seems a bit ass backwards. Suck it, daddy.

I Was Right

2009-01-14T14:03:00.003-05:00

Because there's nothing better than gloating, Ima say it one more time: I was right. Katie Holmes was a lame pick for Miu Miu's new campaign, a collection of shots in which she looks glazed over bordering on dead.

The eye makeup's decent, the dress quite cool, the hair far too wifey and her facial expression dull beyond words. At least the shot stops above knees, sparing magazine readers from gazing upon her cankles.

Have My Babies, Lanvin Prefall

2009-01-14T13:58:00.001-05:00

The gathered gold Lanvin prefall dress above is shopliftworthy to say the least.

Life Glimpse

2009-01-13T02:09:00.003-05:00

This Life Glimpse courtesy of Racked: "77-year-old compulsive shopper Joan Cunnane went missing over Christmas and was eventually found buried under a three-feet high pile of boxes.

Her closest friend, Roy Moran, 77, said: "I think it just gave her pleasure to buy things - none of it was really essential. I once asked her how many scarves she had. She said she thought about 300. I asked her why she needed that many. She said they were all different colours."

Oh. Shit.

IPod Ghetto Blaster

2009-01-08T04:16:00.006-05:00

Those who know me understand that I have occasional spells of confusion during which I forget that I'm a rather un-threatening-looking white girl in a ruffly dress. When these, let's call them "episodes", come around, I like to speak like someone who'd most definitely participate in a gangbang or, you know, pop a cap in your ass.

Well, I'm not one to talk without the matching walk, so when I put on my Cr8tive Recs and started threatening to shank my little brother this evening, I also did some e-shopping to match my mood. And thank god I did or I may never have found the IPod Ghetto Blaster above on sale for $99. Because who doesn't want something to turn a 3x5 ipod into an uber-convenient 25x15 inch monster?

Seriously though, you should buy it cause it's awesome and I'd look ridiculous carrying that shit.

Bonjour, It's Madeline!

2009-01-06T14:35:00.002-05:00

Full on adorable and only $52 from Pixie Mart.

Oh. My. God.

2009-01-06T11:44:00.005-05:00

Alfred Shaheen, creator of the ever-attractive Hawaiian shirt, beloved fashion item of rotund and/or taste challenged men the world over, is dead. Shaheen, original to a fault, said that his hideously printed shirts were and attempt at a "certain look that was different from everyone else's."

And now he's gone at the tender age of 86. Nothing will ever be good again.

Amy Winehouse to Design Clothing Line?

2009-01-05T13:22:00.009-05:00

While on vacation in St. Lucia, Amy Winehouse used the pesky time between shots at a bar to spout on and on about how she's going to design a line for Brit label Fred Perry. Though the telquila-loosened tongue of a drunken songbird is generally pretty reliable, I'm going to have to question this claim just a little bit.

"The rumors aren't entirely without merit," writes The Cut, basing said merit primarily on Roberto Cavalli maybe having called Winehouse a fashion icon last year. Aside from the fact that the term "fashion icon" has all but lost its meaning due to severe overuse, not every "icon" does a collaboration line. I mean, Tom Ford called Hamid Karzai "the most chic man in the wo rld" in 2002 and I'm still waiting for him to come out with a line of embellished Karakul hats and bitchin man shawls.

That said, there have been some shit-tastic celeb collections over the past few years, so maybe Winehouse and her particular brand of trashy under dressing have a place in fashion after all. And now, a look at some of the worst (and best) famous-people-who-think-they're-designers lines:

The Good:

Victoria Beckham's collection of sex on heels dresses. Yeah, all the dresses kind of look alike and the whole thing reeks of heavy-handed help from Beckham BFFL Roland Mouret, but I don't care, Posh Spice got that shit right.

The Bad:

Sarah Jessica Parker's Bitten line of cheap, ugly and boring "Classic American Sportswear." It looks like Target met The Disney Channel and they had a retarded child.
Anyone from The Hills thinking their take on style is relevant is a joke. So I remain baffled by both Heidiwood by the ever-tacky Heidi Montague and Lauren Conrad's eponymous "Lauren Conrad" line of hopelessly unoriginal California wear.

The Useless:

Natalie Portman's collection of vegan footwear for Te Casan was the most utterly negligible celebrity collaboration ever. There was nothing particularly terrible about the shoes, but also not a single aesthetic feature to distinguish them from your standard Nina or Nine West kicks. Actually, there was one difference: they cost three times as much.

Fact:

2009-01-05T12:37:00.004-05:00

The House of Holland T-Shirt is played out and those legs are miles away from inspiring some man-rapage, but sweet jesus what a title.

Meet My Mommy

2009-01-05T05:08:00.009-05:00

"I looked at your, you know, thing this morning" said my mom, Eva, over dinner yesterday. Met with a blank stare, she attempted to elaborate: "Lily Q Clothes, the, well, thing..." she trailed off lamely, silently cursing herself for not remembering the word blog. "I noticed that you're not spending very much time talking about your mother, though," she scolded, finger wagging in what would be a comical manner if I weren't already so used to seeing it. "And I think that's what people really want to know about."

Though I'm loathe to admit it, Eva's awfully cute and her clothes are pretty legit for someone old enough to be my mother. (See left for example of adorableness). So, in secret homage to my mommy, this post on my, you know, thing, is her-centric.

Digging through what is supposedly my closet but really more like her third closet now that I've moved to New York, I found an exceedingly unusual thing: items older than me. Being the most stringent of anti-clutter Nazis, unless it's an antique, Eva generally assumes that anything older than ten harbors dangerous cooties.

And yet there it was, squirreled away behind rows of shoes, chock full of 70s and 80s costume jewelry and an assortment of other paraphernalia from my mom's oft-hinted-at wild years. The choice bits-- black, gold and pearl beaded necklaces, ridiculously awesome feathered gloves, a distinctly biker chic choker/bracelet set-- are melodramatically displayed below.
I certainly won't admit to her that she may have once been cool, but writing it here is fairly safe. The recovery time she requires after "mustering the concentration to navigate through cyberspace for the first time" will be enormous. By the time she gathers the strength to do it again, this post'll be long gone from the front page.

Batman Wears a Cape, Too

2009-01-04T19:57:00.015-05:00

In an ongoing effort to make Lily Q Talks Clothes more fashion-y, I'll attempt to post outfits fairly frequently. Because putting up pictures of myself makes me feel like a bit of an unphotogenic douchebag, I won't be doing it daily. But clothing is technically the point, so expect a bit more of it in the future.

Knit Cape: Alvin Valley; Checkered Skirt: I made it. Unintentionally reminiscent of a racing flag.

PS- the pics expand if you click on them. Do this only if you're fully prepared to see me tired, without makeup and way too close.

Holly Hobby Time

2009-01-04T03:47:00.014-05:00

After a painfully over-scheduled fall semester with little time for fooling around with my sewing machine, I'll be returning to it with a vengeance this spring. The potent combination of supreme boredom with most of my wardrobe and newly-limited expendable income will mean a lot of trips to Mood and late nights sewing skirts.

Before anyone suggests it, I've already looked into buying an orphan child make me clothes under my bed. They're not as cheap as you'd think.

*Above are a few things from earlier this year/last summer that I never posted. (Click for a closer look if you're so inclined).

Cracked Out

2009-01-03T13:51:00.011-05:00

I came across these pics from my friend Mason's photo project last year while weeding through my computer's mess of a picture folder. I look kind of like a crack addict in most of them but the shots themselves are cool. I'm pretty sure he used one of those cheap ass lomo cameras that all the hipsters love so much.

Net-A-Porter on the "Cheap"

2009-01-02T22:57:00.007-05:00

It seems that Net-A-Porter's long-discussed outlet site, Theoutnet.com, is mere weeks away from actually existing. February '09 is the reported drop date for the site, which will sell Net-A-Porter's wet-dream inducing leftovers for a fraction of their original cost.

Unfortunately for the excited masses, Net-A-Porter is relatively stingy with its sales. Most of their Fall '08 merch is 40ish percent off now and last spring's remains are barely up to 60% even though the rest of the luxury goods world is priced like a flea market. Last I heard, Saks was giving away an ethnic orphan slave with every purchase and Net-A-Porter still wants you to buy last season's Moschino for $1,200.

We shall see.

Who Says Clothes Can't Love You Back?

2009-01-01T05:06:00.008-05:00

2008 has officially come to an end and it's time to engage in a deeply thoughtful look back at the December purchases that warmed my heart most and, in some cases, fucked my wallet hardest:

1) Staid though it may look, this J.Crew cardigan is a multi-faceted beauty. Worn demure and librarian-like with a blouse, it makes me look like the quintessential nice girl. Alone with a pencil skirt, it gives off a very country club slut vibe, never a bad thing.
2) My Rag&Bone ringmaster-esque blazer is ideal when worn with a big black tutu and monstrous heels. Enough said.
3) After weeks of eyeing the lovely Lanvin grosgrain bag above-- aptly named "Happy" for the feeling it gave me until it showed up on my credit card bill--I found it on sale at Barney's. I may or may not have shanked a bitch to reach it first, I really couldn't say.
4) Pink isn't a color I do but this D&G blouse was kind of adorable and I caved. My coven shunned me for weeks.
5) Silk faille Chloe and Reese party dress to wear with leather jackets and motorcycle boots.
6) ADAM gathered blouse from Gilt.com. My first successful purchase from Gilt, an unexpected success, actually.
7) Best belated birthday present (to myself...) ever. Bitchin poisonous green Miu Miu dress with black crinolin underlayer. I literally could not care less that it's technically kind of seasonally inappropriate and offensively overpriced. We're in love. I would have babies with this dress. They'd have quirky names like Pomegranate and Lulubelle and everything would be awesome.
8) White and black lace La Perla jacket. Makes even the tightest of black dresses look fairly ladylike. Plus, I found it at the sample sale for $170 (90% off!).
9) Lanvin flats ideal for soon-to-be-recovering-cripples such as myself. If I can't wear heels for a while, at least I'll have sparkly flats to tide me over and stave off suicidal thoughts.
10) Kind of awesome La Perla corset-y thing that mostly looks like a blob in the above picture. As soon as I find a way to wear it without looking like a high class hooker, it's on.

I'll be leaving my job at Carlos Miele this month in favor of a style blogging spot that pays essentially sweatshop wages, so it seems that my days of shopping are nearing an end for now. Sad though this is, I've accumulated clothing in much the same way that crazy folks stockpile canned goods in preparation for the apocolypse.

And there's always prostitution if all else fails.

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T20:58:00.002-05:00

May we all do fewer stupid things in the coming year than we did in the last. And, more importantly still, look better while doing them.

An Ode to the Wifebeater

2008-12-31T14:38:00.009-05:00

"I'm a t-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won't go out of style. Not as long as bitches keep mouthing off." -Marhsall "Slim Shady" Mathers (aka Eminem) in Esquire

Few and far between are the articles of clothing capable of making even the adorable (if sexual-orientation-ambiguous) Zac Effron look like a full fledged spousal abuse parolee. So yes, Eminem, let's add wifebeaters to the Items of Timeless Style list. Just below bow ties but several steps above penny loafers.

Thakoon for Target Doesn't Make Me Vomit

2008-12-30T13:39:00.012-05:00

Perhaps because I associate Target mainly with trailer parks and coupon clipping, Thakoon's line was a pleasant surprise. The prints are unusually adorable and Thakoon-esque for a cheaper line and the Shibori Cardigans have been something of a runaway success.

Of course the $15-$40 pieces don't look full on high fashion, that's not really possible. And there are some shit-tastic mistakes and a few pieces that look more like plain old Target than Thakoon for target. But several of the items (see above, ignore offensively Target-y posing and styling) could be easily mixed with more expensive pieces for a deceptively designer look.

Update: I published the above and realized that I'm still bored and have nothing to do. So below is one of the aforementioned designer looks. I photoshopped the shit out of the skirt and some netaporter stuff in the hopes of making it all fit together. Please forgive the schoolmarm-like pearshapedness. And the fact that Blogger refuses to allow me to put the text next to the picture so there's a whole lot of obnoxious white space:

Top: Bamford "Pussy" bow shirt- $950 (who doesn't like a little pussy?)

Belt: Ungaro- $1,730
Skirt: Thakoon for Target- $26.99
Shoes: Brian Atwood "Marielle" pumps- $810

Rocking a Retainer

2008-12-30T00:00:00.004-05:00

Nothing brings back those traumatic junior high years quite like the sight of some chunky mouth gear. And yet I'm strangely attracted to Kiel Mead's silver-cast retainer necklace. Maybe it's the closet nerd in me, but that shimmering reminder of self conscious smiling and "leaving some room for jesus" at eighth grade dances makes me just a little giggly.

And I'm not the only one. This glam rendition of dorky days gone by has garnered Mead's quirky jewelry collection some love from the likes of Elle, Lucky and New York Mag. Pick up the $200 silver version at Verse Chicago (773.486.4434) and let the world know that you're a dork and you're proud.

Helena Christensen Looking Wench-y

2008-12-29T13:47:00.010-05:00

No one's going to deny that Helena Christensen is pretty damn hot for an older broad. She is. But her recent turn as an Agent Provocateur model for their pirate-themed line is a little too wench-y for my tastes. Add to that the full on ridiculous promo video (below) and it's looking like time for Captain Christensen to limit her public skankery.

Bonus: One big fashion mag is catching on to Christensen's cougar appeal though, featuring her in an upcoming editorial shoot with one of the Gossip Girl man whores. She looks a little rough in those Terry Richardson shots, too.

Stop the Presses

2008-12-29T12:33:00.005-05:00

The new year hasn't arrived yet and already I know everything I'll need to be aware of for 2009: Erin Wasson's new year's resolution.

"I'm definitely devoting myself to saving and adopting more animals," she says. (Probably in a painfully earnest voice.) "I will be on a crusade to do as much as I can. Yes, I can only imagine how crowded my house will be by 2010!"

Courtesy of Refinery 29, I can rest in peace knowing that this humanitarian/model/"designer" will be championing the animal cause in '09. Check out more resolutions from the "Fashion Flock," here and feel just a tad superior about being considerably less retarded than most of said flock.

Off Topic

2008-12-28T23:04:00.001-05:00

It's becoming increasingly apparent that the title of this blog, "Lily Q Talks Clothes," is only generally applicable to its content. More accurate would be something along the lines of "Lily Q Talks All Things Superficial" or "Lily Q Judges You." Lest it should seem that I'm unaware of my many digressions, this is an acknowledgment of the many ways in which I have failed and will continue failing to discuss clothing directly in these posts.

Having written this, I guess the points I'm trying to make are a) I'm not an oblivious ass hole and b) i like disclaimers. Which isn't really a point, more a fact.

Like a Hooker, But Classier

2008-12-27T23:34:00.008-05:00

I've got a lot of free time and the new version of photoshop, so it's collage time. Above is a new years-centric concoction of netaporter finds. Notice the important overall themes of short, tight and sparkly. All the better for a night of skanky dancing followed by the sort of bad decision making that'll leave you wearing that awesome dress for that oh-so-special walk of shame the next morning.

The Definitive Guide to Man Style

2008-12-27T23:25:00.001-05:00

Simplistic though these four pillars may seem, they're the ultimate keys to sartorial success for those of you who've got man bits and confusedly believe that it's okay to house them in cotton boxers.
*These tips courtesy of Jim, whose dedication to the pillars is unwavering.

Things That Look Good

2008-12-26T18:57:00.005-05:00

I'm wearing one of those big black moon boot-like things right now because it looks so damn good with my crutches. But today I had to take the contraption off to switch bandages and below is the lovely image I for some reason felt compelled to capture with my shitty cell phone camera. (The legit camera was on my desk and my extreme laziness just won't let me move that far).

Please notice the purple arrow. Modern medicine has advanced to the point where sophisticated marking devices and medical hieroglyphics are used to draw attention to the area where the cutting should happen. While this technically doesn't have anything to do with clothes, it does look pretty damn badass so yeah, drink it in.

The Meaning of Christmas

2008-12-26T01:11:00.004-05:00

Christmas is a time for family and cheer and pondering the birth of our sweet lord and savior, Baby Jesus. But more important than all of these things is the feeling I get after a long day of relatives and gift opening: a crack rush at the thought of the sales to come.

My brothers, silly fools that they are, are still inspecting their haul, trying on shirts and counting money. Apparently they fail to realize that it's midnight-ish in Chicago and wiser clothes whores are already Sak.com-ing. So let them organazie waffle weave t-shirts and cashmere sweaters, I'm trolling for 75% off Louboutins and Chloe jackets, itching for my next fix.

There was some confusion on the part of a few family members who thought my semi-crippled status would keep me from attending the revered Saks sale at 8.30. It's sad to see that, 20 years in, they still don't know me at all. The very thought of doing some online manic-purchasing and calling it a day is unacceptable even in this drug-induced state of calm resignation.

You see, this early am e-shopping is a shopaholic's version of pre-gaming: it leaves me ready for the extreme binging to come but not incapacititated and lying in a puddle of my own sick. That'll happen tomorrow.

Lull in Posting

2008-12-26T01:05:00.001-05:00

A sick nasty combination of finals and ankle surgery kept me from writing obsessively about shoes and bags and ugly people and oh how I missed it! Though I'm still fairly drugged and find myself falling asleep almost every time I sit down, the drool is pretty minimal at this point and that can only mean one thing: it's time for the lull in postings to come to an end, my lovely readers.

*Please enjoy the above picture of me in the hospital. Well, someone in the hospital. I'm actually a lot less asian and also way cuter. I can say that cause I'm high on vicodin.

An Homage to Bettie Page

2008-12-13T12:57:00.009-05:00

Bettie Page, oft called the original pin up girl, is dead. In homage to that brave soul who spread her legs seductively way before it was cool, a selection of the most pin up-worthy clothes around:

-Almost anything from PHI FW '09
-Gretchen Corset from Agent Provocateur
-Something, anything, red by Herve Leger

Ellen DeGeneres is Not a Cover Girl

2008-12-13T12:48:00.004-05:00

Ellen is everyone's favorite lesbian. Although her hair is uncomfotably mannish, she's not scary or dykey or always bitching about gay rights. She's lesbian lite and most people are down with that, especially now that Portia de Rossi's all hanging on her arm and looking good and shit.

That doesn't mean that Ellen DeGeneres is Cover Girl material. She looks alright in a pantsuit-wearing kinda way, but certainly not exemplary. The whole thing is confusing.