Saturday, May 30, 2009

Time To Man Up

I've been wearing flats all the time of late. I gave up on the whole "supportive shoe" initiative a while back but continued to wear flats as a sort of compromise. A compromise with myself, I guess: "Lily, if you wear flats, maybe that pulsing pain from foot to hip and ensuing grandma hobble will go away."

Anyway, not the point. The point is this: screw flats. I started wearing heels again once last week and again today and, while there is a bit of a throbbing in the aforementioned ankle, being taller than pretty much everyone is a decent trade. I'm going to consider the pain a sign that I'm manning up in the ankle region, as opposed to fucking up in the life region.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

"Smart Memory Bra" Tries Waaay Too Hard

The "Smart Memory Bra" is made of heat-sensitive foam that inflates and deflates based on body temperature. What this means: when you (and your chest) get all hot and bothered, this bra will inflate to push the girls up and out. The company that's making it claims the Smart Bra is inspired by fit, that "it's healthier than a normal bra because it will always provide the perfect fit." Really though, it has only one advantage over a regular bra, and it's not the fit; it will give you hooker boobs when someone's about to jump your bones.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Things I Want But Won't Buy For Summer

Blogger sucks so the picture is blurry. It won't be if you click on it. And clothes porn is best viewed in full detail.

Poor Ginnifer Goodwin Tried To Be Hot and Fashion-y in W and Failed

The spread is subtly titled "Not So Goodwin," and that seems to apply more to Ginnifer's attempt at badassness than Ginnifer Goodwin in general. Apparently the actress wanted us to forget everything we think we know about the sweet and bubbly her. Unfortunately, though she doesn't specify what she'd like us to think instead, one can surmise that she'd rather be considered a poor man's Madonna.

Given that Madonna already is a poor man's Madonna these days, the layers of confusion of Goodwin's persona choice in her W shoot are numerous.

It's not just the 80s Madge style that she's wearing, but also the young, South American man that she seems to have drugged and is, in the picture above, preparing her way with. Jesus Luz, anyone? And I love the other vested biker boy. He's looking at her all pissed like "why'd you roofie my boyfriend Ginnifer, he's just not that into you." She, of course, is turning around to be all like "wait, did he tell you that?"

Check out the rest of the shots here and don't get pissed at me for the fact that Goodwin is generally pantless with a little muffin top going on. You've been warned.

The Trench Coat Dilemma

This month's Esquire just came out on newsstands and the cover is Megan Fox looking all Mr. and Mrs. Smith in a trench and underwear. It's damn hot (and so is the video of the shoot). The outfit--a classic Burberry trench from the looks of it--draws to mind those nights of surprising gentleman friends with similar get ups. Such evenings often lead to very good, umm, conversation. Or so I've been told. Whatever.

So I'm all excited about summer and even gave swimsuit shopping a failure of a go this morning (more on this later...), but imagine my dismay upon realizing that Summer's impending heat will pretty much squash all hope of trench-coated surprises. Women everywhere are mere weeks, maybe even days, away from losing the ability to wear this tried and true late night visit outfit.
There is, it seems, a major hole in the covertly-slutty-midnight-clothing market during the warm months.

So what now?

Showing up at his door in straight up underwear is skanky. And I'm pretty sure that leaving the house that way is officially frowned upon by the law. I momentarily considered my sheer organza trench from last spring as a light weight alternative. But while it remains pretty, a see through coat doesn't really solve the going outside naked problem.

I'm not prepared to call this a full-on wardrobe crisis-- we're more at threat level yellow right now--but I'm upgrading it from "something to consider" to a legitimate "issue." Yes, I handle my wardrobe problems much like they're homeland security issues.

Monday, May 11, 2009

"Inside the Chanel Fitting Room" So Fucking Weird

Everyone from The Cut to Refinery 29 is linking to the Chanel fitting room video with Lara Stone like it's a gift from God. Aside from the shoe porn and a pretty awesome bejeweled shirt, I don't get what the big deal is. The whole thing's actually kind of creepy, and not in a particularly good way. From Lara's borderline invisible eyebrows to Karl sounding like a pervy director in the background and sad little attempts at playing rough between Lara and her man toy model friend, the whole thing feels far too forced.

Resuming Blogging Now. Again.

Here's my requisite "I'm back" post. The excuse this time? End of the school year. Gotta hate it.
And no, you're not missing anything, the picture above has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I just love the studded floppy hat.