Friday, March 20, 2009

More Old Jewelry Made Into Hair Stuff

Phase two of the Turning All That Crappy Old Jewelry Into Kind of Cool Hair Accessories Project is now under way. Phase One (the caps are necessary) was really easy, but this one is even more simple. Literally impossible to screw up, in fact. You'd have to be retarded. And I'm talking drooling all over yourself, politically incorrect to make fun of retarded.

Take an old beaded necklace, lay the thing across the top of your head as you'd wear a headband, loop the elastic through the ends of the necklace (at the nape of your neck), and tie it snuggly. Use elastic in stead of string so that it will stay on without having to be retied. The best part of this project is that it's not at all permanent. So if you flip flop a little and decide that you actually love the jewelry and need to wear it again, all you have to do is remove the elastic.

The Only Thing That Goes With Crocs Is Social Ostracism -Maddox

As it turns out, there may be a single upside to These Tough Times. Crocs, purveyors of heinous, plastic footwear, may not be able to weather the economic storm. WWD reports that Crocs stock dropped a whopping 19% since an accounting firm suggested that Crocs may not make it through the recession. The numbers are a little boring. All that matters is this: the supply of plastic clogs that the sartorially misguided cling to with such ferocity may go away and never come back.

Put Some Old Crap In Your Hair

Magazine editors keep telling us to shop our closets, making new outfits of great stuff we already have. The thing is, while most of said editors probably have a trove of gifted three year old YSL to mix with last Spring's Gucci kicks and a new Lanvin necklace, I know what's in my closet and it's starting to feel pretty tired. How do I know this? I ripped that thing apart last night and got pretty depressed real quickly.

After my lackluster closet finds, I moved on to an old jewelry box hoping to find some awesome stuff I'd forgotten about. Not so much. Full of manky old chains, pins that I'll never wear and necklaces that I'm tired of, disappointment became the theme of the night. But just as I was ready to admit defeat and acknowledge that I'm a really terrible closet shopper, I spotted my hot glue gun across the room and realized that there's nothing hot glue can't fix.

With this in mind, I spent the morning turning all sorts of crappy and vintage jewelry into hair stuff.. First up is a really easy one: turn an old brooch into a quite cool barrette in literally ten minutes. You can use a pin of your own, your mom or grandma's old costume jewelry or something from a vintage shop. Mine is a plastic bow with a bronze band. It belonged to my mom way back in the day.

Here we go:
  1. All you need is a barrette ($2-3 for 12 at most craft stores), hot glue gun and some wire cutters (or pliers).
  2. Cut or pull the pin part of the brooch off, leaving a bare surface on the back
  3. Cover the back of your barrette in hot glue, attach your brooch, hold in place for about ten seconds.
  4. That's it.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

How To Look Homeless But Call It A DIY Project

If any of you start double stick taping zippers to your clothing, please email me pics so I can make so much fun of you. These are terrible ideas.

DIY Silk Wrapped Headbands

I did a little math this morning and came to the depressing realization that I've spent almost $1,000 on headbands over the last few years. (Also the similarly tragic conclusion that I suck at basic math). Can you imagine the shoes I could have bought with that money? Damn it.

Anyway, I'm done with headband buying and on to headband making.
What You'll Need:
  1. 1 cheap plastic headband from the drugstore. If you spend more than $3/headband, you're doing something wrong. (I used one a little thicker than the one in the link.)
  2. 1 yard each of 3/4 inch ribbon and 1-3 inch ribbon. The thinner stuff is for the wrapper, the thicker for the bow, if you're into that.
  3. A hot glue gun or fabric glue. I prefer hot glue guns because a) they're more badass, and b) less ooze-y.
  4. Scissors
Glue your thinner ribbon to the inside of either end of the headband, angling it slightly upwards. Wrap it around a couple more times, gluing on the underside as you go in order to lock that shit down.
Keep wrapping, gluing on the underside every other wrap. Once you get to the curvy areas, you might want to use a tiny bit of glue on the outside as well. Use sparingly though, you don't want sticky crap all over the outside of your headband.
Once you arrive at the other end, do the double wrap again, glue the end of the ribbon to the underside, and cut off the excess. If you're not adding the bow, you're done here. (But WHY WOULD YOU NOT ADD THE BOW?)
Tie your bow with the thicker ribbon. But tie it off the headband and very loosely.
Slide it onto your band, sticking the arm of the headband through the very back loop. Slide it around, try it on, figure out where you want your offensively large bow to sit.
Once you've made your very serious placement decision, pull the bow tight, adjust the size of the loops and secure it in place with a bit of glue underneath the loops on either side.Cut off the excess ribbon, add extra glue wherever you want the bow loops to stay attached to the bow ends, put on your plaid skirt and have at it.

I Lurve That Pic

Lurve Mag is out. The cover and shot above are all I've seen thus far, but it's literally impossible for me to disapprove when there are twoering heels and tutus involved.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dumb Crap I Buy

In the ultimate act of sheer laziness, I just bought a wet to dry hair straightener. My thinking was this: it's cold out, leaving the house with wet hair is no fun, blow dryers are awfully heavy and cumbersome...this'll be easier! Completely ignoring the fact that I have straight hair and blow drying is not actually difficult, I was roped in by the "wet to dry in 2 seconds" claim that came along with the $150 ISO straightener I ordered.

As it turns out, your hair needs to be almost 90% dry before you use the straightener. While this is useful for ladies with naturally curly or frizzy hair as it allows them to skip the blow drying altogether and use the straightener before their hair starts going crazy, it is useless for me. I suppose that's what I get for being a moron.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Some Unrealistic Material Desire

It's obviously not happening, but I'm really in love with the Louis Vuitton Fall '09 tutu skirts. They're actually incredibly wearable and almost too pretty for words.

Does ANYBODY Know Who's Carrying These Louboutins?


ReThread For Less Money

Made an awesome discovery: Thread Social, purveyors of quite cool party dresses at a relatively reasonable $500ish, offer some of their classic shapes for way less, too. The line's called ReThread and uses the excess fabric from the main line, same shapes too. But instead of $500, dresses are about $185 and skirts are generally under $100. I'm thinking about the black and white one shouldered one to the left. The skirts are also quite cool, but uncomfortably reminiscent of everything I own already.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Who Wants To Color On My Chest?

I have spent years in search of the perfect bra. The thing is, I wear a 34D (yeah, maybe too much information, whatever), and it's almost impossible to find a good one. Either it's a lace-covered industrial support device up to my chin or, well, the same thing but without the stupid little flourishes. I'd damn near given up on the endeavor when a friend linked me to The Doodle Bra.

It's literally the best and most awful underwear concept ever. The [probably really crappy] bra comes with a set of permanent markers for embellishing. Who needs a sketch book or party games when your friends can entertain themselves with your chest all night long?
It's a different sort of boob-based entertainment than they're used to, but they'll adjust and your filthy neighborhood porn shop will go out of business.

Batshit Model at Terry Richardson/Purple Mag Shoot

Purple #11 from Purple Magazine on Vimeo.

Mother of god, that is terrifying.

Big Ass Bows

I've been wearing my big ass black net hair bow for a couple of years now. Long before there was a Blair Waldorf to be referenced, Lily's offensively large bow was around. Back in the day when the only thing it reminded people of was pedophilia, it was there, and it meant business. But now that Gossip Girl has ruined the huge hair bow for all of us, I no longer have a reason to closely guard the secret of my big ass net bow. So here goes...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Clothes For Sitting Around/Getting Fat In

I'm back in Chicago and bed-bound once again. I'll spare you the details, but admit that there's a hell of a lot of lying around being done. Also a lot whining, doctor visiting and e-browsing. But while Net-A-Porter generally provides the necessary fashion crack, looking at clothes that don't easily translate onto a couch, bed or other soft surface conducive to drugged out resting is getting a bit maudlin.

Instead, I have taken to studying the merits of various types of lounge wear. This is a sad development, but it is the current state of my life and I am powerless to fight it. Here are the things I have learned from my new area of exploration:
  1. Nightgowns seem fun but are actually a bit drafty and sad to wear all day when the house is empty save for you and your housekeeper, a man who spends his time listening to oldies on a mini radio while ironing your mom's underwear.
  2. Your brother's oversize hooded sweatshirts allow you to pretend that it's the extra material, not the extra fat, making you look like a beached whale. This is a useful trick to play on yourself, even if you know it's complete BS. (My mother says I swear too much on my blog, this is me appeasing her.)
  3. Onesies are both the ideal pajama and the ideal anytime outfit. This is provided, of course, that your "anytime" resembles mine and consists of hours spent curled up in the fetal position under blankets. While the girl in the onesie above is not technically "me," I maintain that I'd look like her in my onesie if I were, you know, black, well kempt, and a Victoria's Secret Model.
I was cute once, I swear.

Looks Like I'm An 80's Commuter Now

Know what's more tragic than than having holes drilled through your ankle bones, three months in a boot cast and several more months not being able to wear heels? Your doctor saying that you have to wear "sensible shoes" for a while. And no, Chucks don't count. You sit there in his office thinking about how he used to seem like a nice guy and how that facial hair doesn't look jovial anymore so much as sinister. "Yes!" you say to yourself (in the head because previous experiments with conspiracy theorizing aloud haven't gone well for you) "This must all have be an elaborate plot to get me into "supportive" shoes."

Well, Dr. Lapinski, congratulations on a coup well-executed. You recognized the my weak spot (footwear), took on powerful allies (my mother and all of her nagging capabilities) and shamed me to such a degree that I have little dignity left (I'll be wearing Nike gym shoes, like, always.) Touche, sir.

Let's Talk About YSL

And how rage-y and happy it made me all at once. The leather overalls and too-bulky jackets were a hot mess. But those gorgeously draped white blouses and leather gloves were the stuff of wet dreams.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Stuff Lily Makes; Stuff You Should Buy

I used to harbor a semi-secret desire to be a designer. But once a couple of stores actually placed orders, having to size and make everything felt insurmountably difficult and I decided to stick with making puffy, often see through skirts and dresses for myself. Lately though, I've gotten into jewelry making. And I quite like it.

I like it so much, in fact, that I've started selling my stuff. Helen Yi and Verse in Chicago are my first stops. Both stores will be carrying a handful of necklaces within the next few weeks. I'm also selling them directly though at Most of the pictures are pretty crappy (working on it), but the site will give you a general idea of what things look like. I'll be adding hair stuff, bracelets, and tops (think black fitted tee with a gathered organza collar, grey cardigans with peach tulle popping out of the sleeves). Email me at if there's anything you're interested in.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

An Ode to Seche Vite Top Coat

I paint my nails four to seven times a week. I call it dedicated. My roommate calls it "an illness" and suggests that I "get help, psycho." What she fails to realize is that this hobby (fine, obsession) has left me with the sort of nail product knowledge that chipped-polish girls everywhere wish they could get their grubby, badly manicured little hands on. Today, let's talk top coat.

Go ahead and buy your shitty drug store brand polish, whatever. But do not go anywhere near that $4 top coat. As far as I'm concerned, there is only one option when it comes to quick dry top coat: Seche Vite. If this is starting to sound a little dramatic, it's only because this is an issue of immense importance. Unlike your standard Sally Hansen fare with its watery consistency and utter uselessness, Seche Vite means business. Wait two minutes after painting, cover your second coat with this stuff and your nails may very well be dry before you have time to fuck them up with your fidgeting (about 3 minutes).

Case in point (above): Yeah, it seems that I'm about to snap that guy's neck, but don't try to tell me those nails aren't looking great.

Fakes Are Stupid

Let's talk about the mounds of counterfeit crap that populates not only the streets of Chinatown, but also the internet and the closets of so many girls who think they're fooling anyone. I pride myself on being a particularly good (read "vicious") fake spotter and feel no guilt about exposing its owner in public. Here's why:
  1. Fakes are stupid. Carrying/wearing fake anything is the most obnoxious form of label-whoring, the sort that isn't even deterred by the fact that you're not even wearing a legitimate label. I'm certainly not saying that designer clothes are the only way to go, but at least be classy enough to be a tad more creative and a hell of a lot less desperate.
  2. The whole sweatshop kiddie labor thing. I hear that the fake trade is supplied by lots of little third world babies working long hours and probably losing limbs in industrial accidents.
  3. You look like a moron with that Prado bag and those Channel glasses.
And now, how to avoid buying fakes:
  1. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. There's no way that some guy on Ebay is selling you this season's Chanel for a quarter of the price, it's literally impossible. What he's trying to pawn off on you is a faux silk lined piece of crap that'll probably be plagued with wobbly stitching and that nasty pleather smell.
  2. Pay attention to the packaging. The differences are generally fairly subtle, but often visible even in pictures. The boxes below, for example, are obvious fakes. My aunt came back from Italy thinking she'd scored a shit ton of awesome belts as Christmas presents and even I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd been swindled hard core. The "Gucci" font, you see, is much closer to Times New Roman than the real Gucci font is and the "Louis Vuitton" boxes have rough, cardboard-y edges. Real luxury brands have unfailingly luxurious packaging. Always.
  3. Don't always trust the feedback numbers on auction sites. The thing is, people are stupid. And desperate. Desperate enough to have a cool bag that they'll stupidly believe the plastic-wrapped pos they jsut received from Bangkok is a real Fendi. Look closely at the pictures, checking for bad stitching and hardware that looks over shiny or far too matte.