For the Love of God

It's really impossible to walk behind something like this on the street and not do at least one of the following things:

1. vomit
2. take a picture with your phone
3. post said picture to your blog, mocking the unsuspecting girl who thought it okay to leave the house half naked, cellulite jiggling all over the place.
4. wonder if maybe she's got the right idea and you wouldn't be so god-awful cold if you stocked up on the ass fat.

In an effort to cover my bases, I did all four things.

Some choice thoughts from Lucie, my self-proclaimed "very attractive roommate," on the matter:

1. the only excuse for that is if her pants were destroyed beyond wearability.
2. hi fattie
3. that was so appalling, I will never get over that.
   

P.S.- This is not mean. She brought it upon herself by essentially eye raping everyone on the street with her seasonally inappropriate outfit.

It's Britney Bitch

Well, it's Lily, actually. But, in what is probably one of the more depressing developments of my recent life, that's the line I thought of when searching for an allusion to a comeback.

In any event, I'm back after nearly two weeks of sartorial silence. It was a tragic time in which my flash judgments and ongoing obsession was thrust upon my disinterested friends rather than my semi-interested readers.

And now, for no particular reason: do it.

I Hope Someone Paid Her to Wear That

My dad's of the opinion that I'm an indiscriminate label whore, a designer slut who'd turn any trick for a Prada bag. Because he's so elderly (54) and probably developing early onset alzheimers (definitely isn't), I can't be too mad about his confusion. But I can prove him wrong by making fun of Jessica Alba.

Sound like a bit of a leap? Roll with me on this one...

I've always been something of an Alba fan. She's ethnic so liking her makes me spicy, but I don't have to commit to a full-on J.Lo-during-the-Selena-years thing, which is actually a little terrifying. So imagine the horror of seeing my favorite semi-Latina wearing pajamas in public. And at the premier of My Bloody Valentine, no less. A sure-to-be-shitty movie premier and she's in sleepwear? For shame.

Technically they're Dolce and Gabbana runway so they should be cool by default. But once you remove your head from its cozy nesting spot in Gabbana's ass and look at the silken creation he hath wrought, calling the outfit cool by default seems a bit ass backwards. Suck it, daddy.

I Was Right

Because there's nothing better than gloating, Ima say it one more time: I was right. Katie Holmes was a lame pick for Miu Miu's new campaign, a collection of shots in which she looks glazed over bordering on dead.

The eye makeup's decent, the dress quite cool, the hair far too wifey and her facial expression dull beyond words. At least the shot stops above knees, sparing magazine readers from gazing upon her cankles.

Have My Babies, Lanvin Prefall

The gathered gold Lanvin prefall dress above is shopliftworthy to say the least.

Life Glimpse

This Life Glimpse courtesy of Racked: "77-year-old compulsive shopper Joan Cunnane went missing over Christmas and was eventually found buried under a three-feet high pile of boxes.

Her closest friend, Roy Moran, 77, said: "I think it just gave her pleasure to buy things - none of it was really essential. I once asked her how many scarves she had. She said she thought about 300. I asked her why she needed that many. She said they were all different colours."

Oh. Shit.

IPod Ghetto Blaster

Those who know me understand that I have occasional spells of confusion during which I forget that I'm a rather un-threatening-looking white girl in a ruffly dress. When these, let's call them "episodes", come around, I like to speak like someone who'd most definitely participate in a gangbang or, you know, pop a cap in your ass.

Well, I'm not one to talk without the matching walk, so when I put on my Cr8tive Recs and started threatening to shank my little brother this evening, I also did some e-shopping to match my mood. And thank god I did or I may never have found the IPod Ghetto Blaster above on sale for $99. Because who doesn't want something to turn a 3x5 ipod into an uber-convenient 25x15 inch monster?

Seriously though, you should buy it cause it's awesome and I'd look ridiculous carrying that shit.

Bonjour, It's Madeline!

Full on adorable and only $52 from Pixie Mart.

Oh. My. God.

Alfred Shaheen, creator of the ever-attractive Hawaiian shirt, beloved fashion item of rotund and/or taste challenged men the world over, is dead. Shaheen, original to a fault, said that his hideously printed shirts were and attempt at a "certain look that was different from everyone else's."

And now he's gone at the tender age of 86. Nothing will ever be good again.

Amy Winehouse to Design Clothing Line?

While on vacation in St. Lucia, Amy Winehouse used the pesky time between shots at a bar to spout on and on about how she's going to design a line for Brit label Fred Perry. Though the telquila-loosened tongue of a drunken songbird is generally pretty reliable, I'm going to have to question this claim just a little bit.

"The rumors aren't entirely without merit," writes The Cut, basing said merit primarily on Roberto Cavalli maybe having called Winehouse a fashion icon last year. Aside from the fact that the term "fashion icon" has all but lost its meaning due to severe overuse, not every "icon" does a collaboration line. I mean, Tom Ford called Hamid Karzai "the most chic man in the world" in 2002 and I'm still waiting for him to come out with a line of embellished Karakul hats and bitchin man shawls.

That said, there have been some shit-tastic celeb collections over the past few years, so maybe Winehouse and her particular brand of trashy under dressing have a place in fashion after all. And now, a look at some of the worst (and best) famous-people-who-think-they're-designers lines:

The Good:

• Victoria Beckham's collection of sex on heels dresses. Yeah, all the dresses kind of look alike and the whole thing reeks of heavy-handed help from Beckham BFFL Roland Mouret, but I don't care, Posh Spice got that shit right.

The Bad:

• Sarah Jessica Parker's Bitten line of cheap, ugly and boring "Classic American Sportswear." It looks like Target met The Disney Channel and they had a retarded child.
• Anyone from The Hills thinking their take on style is relevant is a joke. So I remain baffled by both Heidiwood by the ever-tacky Heidi Montague and Lauren Conrad's eponymous "Lauren Conrad" line of hopelessly unoriginal California wear.

The Useless:

• Natalie Portman's collection of vegan footwear for Te Casan was the most utterly negligible celebrity collaboration ever. There was nothing particularly terrible about the shoes, but also not a single aesthetic feature to distinguish them from your standard Nina or Nine West kicks. Actually, there was one difference: they cost three times as much.
  

Fact:

The House of Holland T-Shirt is played out and those legs are miles away from inspiring some man-rapage, but sweet jesus what a title.

Meet My Mommy

"I looked at your, you know, thing this morning" said my mom, Eva, over dinner yesterday. Met with a blank stare, she attempted to elaborate: "Lily Q Clothes, the, well, thing..." she trailed off lamely, silently cursing herself for not remembering the word blog. "I noticed that you're not spending very much time talking about your mother, though," she scolded, finger wagging in what would be a comical manner if I weren't already so used to seeing it. "And I think that's what people really want to know about."

Though I'm loathe to admit it, Eva's awfully cute and her clothes are pretty legit for someone old enough to be my mother. (See left for example of adorableness). So, in secret homage to my mommy, this post on my, you know, thing, is her-centric.

Digging through what is supposedly my closet but really more like her third closet now that I've moved to New York, I found an exceedingly unusual thing: items older than me. Being the most stringent of anti-clutter Nazis, unless it's an antique, Eva generally assumes that anything older than ten harbors dangerous cooties.

And yet there it was, squirreled away behind rows of shoes, chock full of 70s and 80s costume jewelry and an assortment of other paraphernalia from my mom's oft-hinted-at wild years. The choice bits-- black, gold and pearl beaded necklaces, ridiculously awesome feathered gloves, a distinctly biker chic choker/bracelet set-- are melodramatically displayed below.
I certainly won't admit to her that she may have once been cool, but writing it here is fairly safe. The recovery time she requires after "mustering the concentration to navigate through cyberspace for the first time" will be enormous. By the time she gathers the strength to do it again, this post'll be long gone from the front page.

Batman Wears a Cape, Too

In an ongoing effort to make Lily Q Talks Clothes more fashion-y, I'll attempt to post outfits fairly frequently. Because putting up pictures of myself makes me feel like a bit of an unphotogenic douchebag, I won't be doing it daily. But clothing is technically the point, so expect a bit more of it in the future.

Knit Cape: Alvin Valley; Checkered Skirt: I made it. Unintentionally reminiscent of a racing flag.

PS- the pics expand if you click on them. Do this only if you're fully prepared to see me tired, without makeup and way too close.

Holly Hobby Time

After a painfully over-scheduled fall semester with little time for fooling around with my sewing machine, I'll be returning to it with a vengeance this spring. The potent combination of supreme boredom with most of my wardrobe and newly-limited expendable income will mean a lot of trips to Mood and late nights sewing skirts.

Before anyone suggests it, I've already looked into buying an orphan child make me clothes under my bed. They're not as cheap as you'd think.

*Above are a few things from earlier this year/last summer that I never posted. (Click for a closer look if you're so inclined).

Cracked Out

I came across these pics from my friend Mason's photo project last year while weeding through my computer's mess of a picture folder. I look kind of like a crack addict in most of them but the shots themselves are cool. I'm pretty sure he used one of those cheap ass lomo cameras that all the hipsters love so much.

Net-A-Porter on the "Cheap"

It seems that Net-A-Porter's long-discussed outlet site, Theoutnet.com, is mere weeks away from actually existing. February '09 is the reported drop date for the site, which will sell Net-A-Porter's wet-dream inducing leftovers for a fraction of their original cost.

Unfortunately for the excited masses, Net-A-Porter is relatively stingy with its sales. Most of their Fall '08 merch is 40ish percent off now and last spring's remains are barely up to 60% even though the rest of the luxury goods world is priced like a flea market. Last I heard, Saks was giving away an ethnic orphan slave with every purchase and Net-A-Porter still wants you to buy last season's Moschino for $1,200.

We shall see.

Who Says Clothes Can't Love You Back?

2008 has officially come to an end and it's time to engage in a deeply thoughtful look back at the December purchases that warmed my heart most and, in some cases, fucked my wallet hardest:

1) Staid though it may look, this J.Crew cardigan is a multi-faceted beauty. Worn demure and librarian-like with a blouse, it makes me look like the quintessential nice girl. Alone with a pencil skirt, it gives off a very country club slut vibe, never a bad thing.
2) My Rag&Bone ringmaster-esque blazer is ideal when worn with a big black tutu and monstrous heels. Enough said.
3) After weeks of eyeing the lovely Lanvin grosgrain bag above-- aptly named "Happy" for the feeling it gave me until it showed up on my credit card bill--I found it on sale at Barney's. I may or may not have shanked a bitch to reach it first, I really couldn't say.
4) Pink isn't a color I do but this D&G blouse was kind of adorable and I caved. My coven shunned me for weeks.
5) Silk faille Chloe and Reese party dress to wear with leather jackets and motorcycle boots.
6) ADAM gathered blouse from Gilt.com. My first successful purchase from Gilt, an unexpected success, actually.
7) Best belated birthday present (to myself...) ever. Bitchin poisonous green Miu Miu dress with black crinolin underlayer. I literally could not care less that it's technically kind of seasonally inappropriate and offensively overpriced. We're in love. I would have babies with this dress. They'd have quirky names like Pomegranate and Lulubelle and everything would be awesome.
8) White and black lace La Perla jacket. Makes even the tightest of black dresses look fairly ladylike. Plus, I found it at the sample sale for $170 (90% off!).
9) Lanvin flats ideal for soon-to-be-recovering-cripples such as myself. If I can't wear heels for a while, at least I'll have sparkly flats to tide me over and stave off suicidal thoughts.
10) Kind of awesome La Perla corset-y thing that mostly looks like a blob in the above picture. As soon as I find a way to wear it without looking like a high class hooker, it's on.

I'll be leaving my job at Carlos Miele this month in favor of a style blogging spot that pays essentially sweatshop wages, so it seems that my days of shopping are nearing an end for now. Sad though this is, I've accumulated clothing in much the same way that crazy folks stockpile canned goods in preparation for the apocolypse.

And there's always prostitution if all else fails.