OMFG, I <3 FENDI

Aside from the crazy bodering on psychotic hair, Fendi's Spring '09 is almost entirely great looking. The bell skirts and fitted tops-- especially on the laser cut dresses towards the end-- are exactly what I want for spring. (By "spring" I mean always because it's pretty much the only silhouette I wear).

Unrelatedly, I promise that I'll rarely use OMFG from this point onward as, reading it now, i feel like a dumb fuck. I blame Gossip Girl. I mean, not that I watch that or anything. Don't worry about it.

Goddamn Rain

Because it's raining and I, much like a senior citizen, get all creaky in the joints when this sort of narsty weather comes around, Ima stay inside bitching about the precipitation and e-shopping for rainwear.

The Burberry black one up top is, for someone with a penchant for full skirts, a good alternative to a straight trench. The pleat in the back does the whole nip-waisted thing that I like. On the Westwood khaki trench to the right, collar basically makes the jacket. Kind of great looking.

H&M Dress for $350

Apparently Rei Kawakubo of Comme Des Garconnes is just a little bit full of herself. I mean, she's built an artsy fashion empire with no design training so I suppose she's got the right to be. That said, $350 for an H&M dress isn't going to fly unless the quality's a hell of a lot better than previous designer lines for H&M. The lagerfeld and Viktor and Rolf pieces were pretty cool but they were a good thread pull away from falling to pieces.

If the line is as great as the ad image (above), everything'll be gone by mid-day. If, however, the details aren't on point and the thousand embroidery spots and tassles are hanging loose, H&M may have a dud on its hands. Fingers crossed for the former...

La Perla Looks Good

La Perla's spring '07 was amazing. Heavy but not heavyhanded with the boudoir details, black, white, gorgeous. The following fall was similarly lovely with pleated grosgrain coats and a skirt I loved enough to actually buy. Then came spring '07 and I damn near wrote them off entirely, chalking the two good seasons up to beginner's luck and assuming Alessandro Dell'Aqua (the designer) had gone bat shit crazy. The animal prints and excessive use of exoskeletal whale boning was, simply put, a hot mess.

As of today, my faith is at least partially restored. Aside from a few ill-advised gowns that really shouldn't be worn by anyone who's not severely pregnant, La Perla looked good. There was a fairly pervasive lack of originality throughout the collection but the detailing was great and most of the shapes were supremely chic and wearable.

Disgusting, just threw up in my mouth.

Flowery Biker Jacket Will Be Mine

I officially need this Malandrino jacket. We'd be so happy together.

Prada: Perfect for Slutty Old Ladies. Again.

I don't get it. Style.com writers have been creaming themselves over the last two Prada collections and they're really not that great. This fall's lace concoctions are decent in small doses but certainly nothing extraordinary and next spring's crinkled concoctions are a confused mess. Though the two collections have little in common in the way of materials and fabrication, they do share one distinguishing feature: they're perfect for all the world's skanky grandmothers. Best news about the spring collection is that they're pre-wrinkled, ideal for an arthritic mid-afternoon romp with a tennis instructor.

Playing With Dolls

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I briefly played toyed with starting an online magazine last Spring. We put up one issue before deeming the whole thing irrelevant and dropping it entirely. There's really just no market for a website that updates monthly, which is why I started this blog instead.

Because the pictures from a few of the photoshoots are just laying around on my desktop unused, I thought I'd post them here for shits and giggles. There's only one thing that I'm particularly wild about (the yellow ruffled shirt) but it's a fairly cute shoot. The model is my friend Kendal, an NYU junior. I'm in love with her haircut but her agency's insisting that she grow it out again. Dumb, right?

1) Dress: Julie Haus, Shoes: Louboutin, Bow: Lily Q.
2)Dress: custom made by BLUE, Shoes: Prada
3) Awesome shirt: Laqueu (I met the designer on the subway on the day of the shoot and basically insisted that he give it to me for the day. Luckily, he obliged rather than calling the police). Unfortunately, I didn't have good bottoms to go with it so I ended up using those Walter shorts. They're cute enough with a t-shirt but didn't do the shirt justice.
4)Shirt: Rozae Nichols at FunkyLaLa, Skirt: Lily Q., Shoes: Miu Miu Stupid clutch: Gussto
5) Jacket: Don't remember but it was made of a really cool waxed canvas, Dress: Chloe & Reese, Bracelet: Polytima at BLUE

Bold Color Blocks Aren't Bold, They're Tired

Fashion is an inherently repetitive, copy-catting beast. Particularly when it comes to the wearable stuff, there are only so many different ways to pleat fabric, so many shapes, so many colors and prints. So why the hell do designers try to pass off color-blocked clothing as though it's something original every time spring rolls around?

Above are some choice shots from London Fashion Week (Josh Goot, Richard Nicoll, Goot, Nicoll again) and I don't love it. But I wouldn't hate it if Nicoll and Goot hadn't relied on the retina-burning power of these bright yellows and shocking pinks to carry their shows, apparently failing to realize that we've been squinting at the exact same thing for two years. It looks like Chloe, like Isaac Mizrahi, even American Apparel. Meh.

Huge News: I've Found My Halloween Costume

I walked home from class tonight having one of my patented slow and silent panic attacks. Somewhere between wondering what I'm doing with my life and calculating whether or not I'll get more than three hours of sleep I saw Maria and snapped out of the self pity. She was the most magnificent sort of tacky in her sparkly tulle ensemble, thigh high stockings and riding crop. And on a Monday no less. What a pimp.

Victoria, Albert and I are Super Into Stephen Jones

The couple of you who've been reading my blog since I started it a few weeks back may remember a post addressing the Dior Couture runway show. Though primarily about the all-encompassing awesomeness of the collection, it also mentioned a certain British boy hat maker whose babies I'd like to have and whose hats I'd like to wear.

You see, Stephen Jones and his eponymous couture hats remain an object of my obsession. Apparently The Victoria and Albert Museum in London is similarly enchanted because they're putting on a Stephen Jones exhibition from Feb. 24-May 10. More than 300 hats ranging from 1950s Balenciaga runway pieces to a plastic child's tiara will be on display and available for people to wet themselves over.

Anyone looking for a travel companion to London? I fold up really small.

Modernism at its Best

Two Max Mara designers started their own line, Modernist, a couple years back and it's looking pretty damn good these days. Their first fashion week show took place today in London and, while a few of their organza blouses are reminiscent of last spring's sheers (and their classic pencil skirts have Max Mara written all over them), their complete look is definitely distinctive. Style.com's Sarah Mower advised Koroma and Jones to "relax, and make it simpler," criticizing their "artsy trappings." Dumb advice.

Their sculptural aspects of pieces like the blouse (above left) are, I acknowledge, a tad over the top. The thing is, that's what makes them so awesome, that's what made their show a spectacle but stopped short of rendering it inaccessible.

Anyway, I want it all.

Lily Q Talks Hoes

Taking the advice of my ever-appropriate friend Damon, I'd like to use this opportunity to Talk Hoes. Well, Hoes' Clothes. You see, theoretically, I have no problem with girls being a little slutty here and there. It's when that skankiness spills out of various bedrooms, kitchen tables, closets, etc. and become a visible part of who you are, that's an issue.

So here are a few tips for the ladies who like to make it dirty but look at least somewhat clean:
1) I miss the days of good 'ol plumber's crack. Though that little sliver off too much visible but has never been the best look, it's infinitely better than the much more complex ass cleavage that hoes these days are prone to. Below, J Lo demonstrates the dangers of the too tight, too low jean. Nasty, right?

2) It's actually not sexy for your bra straps and g strings to be peeping out from under your clothing. While the whole semi-visible underwear concept may seem like a good one, it's a lose-lose situation. If you're underwear's lacy and pretty, the little bit poking out will just look silly and slutty. If you're a practical girl wearing granny panties and whatnot, well, you're a practical girl wearing granny panties, which is inherently un-tappable.

3) If you're wearing enough makeup that fear of smudging your face off is understandable, you look like a trashy hoe.

While these are just a few of the big points in avoiding looking like a street urchin hoe, avoid them and you'll be well on your way to appearing significantly more demure than you actually are. Damon, the ass crack rule doesn't apply to you, I like when your red pants yield a bit of cleavage.

Cr8tive Recreation, the Pimp Cup of Kicks

I've tentatively begun if not collecting sneakers, at least buying them with an unusual frequency. My first pair were Dunk Lows, the Skittles version in lime green, neon pink, yellow and orange with some black for, you know, classiness and subtlty. Next came some bitchin Adidas high tops in white patent with tiny little Adidas flowers in 50 colors covering the heels. Bros and gangsters alike stop me every time I wear them, they're that cool. For the first year though, I pretty much stuck to Nike dunks and Adidas high tops. I mean, they just made the most sense with my puffy party dresses.

Wrong. Last year I stumbled upon Cr8tive Recreations quite by accident when I followed a guy who was wearing them for five blocks before manning up and demanding to know who made them. Looking a tad bit concerned about the admittedly manic look on my face, he mumbled the brand name before scurrying off in fear and confusion. And I became obsessed. Much sleaker than dunks and pretty much any Adidas, Cr8ive Recs are pretty legit. Their ad campaigns (pictured above) caters to the progeny of the country club set while their more colorful and mixed-pattern designs could easily translate themselves into any pimp's wardrobe. Seeing as I alternatingly lounge by pools and shoot up bitches, it's nice to know that my shoes are as versatile as my lifestyle.

I dropped by the Cr8tive Recreations booth at Coterie yesterday to, well, honestly, pet the shoes a little and talk obsessively about the flannel-looking checked pair that I wanted but couldn't find for this fall. Imagine my surprise when I woke up to an email from Tamara, the sales rep who I met yesterday. Either she's really nice or could sense that my obsession with The Pair That Got Away was reaching a dangerous place. In any event, she sent me a pair and I'll be stroking/wearing them for free by Wednesday!

The Couple New Brands that Made Coterie Worthwhile

After two full days of punishingly high heels coupled with blocks and blocks of wandering through the maze-like stalls at Piers 90-94, I'm done with Coterie. As expected, it was mostly just heaps of suspiciously familiar looking crap. Aside from the obvious references to designer collections from seasons past, a good 70% of the vendors were also uncomfortably similar to one another.

Amidst the myriad ruffled dresses in various colors, however, were a few stand out vendors. At the top of the list is Anzevino and Florence. It started as a t-shirt line about three years ago but moved on to ready to wear and is currently in its fourth season. Also, it's awesome. The Yohji Yamatmoto influences were well-adapted rather than copy-cattish and even the more unusual items were still wearable. One of the two designers was on hand for questions/praise and, aside from being kind of miniature and adorable, he was also quite nice and let me make a personal order.

Now I'm basically obligated to love him because I'll be wearing my ankle length cotton jersey cape/dress from the moment it arrives in February until it's too hot to wear it without suffocating. At that point I'll switch to the sheer black organza dress with its full skirt and silk slip (only $120 wholesale!). Lest I should be screwed come fall though, I also bought the ruffled, asymmetrical jacket pictured. It's amazing on both the hanger and the body and I'd sooner settle down with that jacket than any guy. Sorry mom.
(*I didn't buy the dress pictured above because, well, it would look terrible on my body. In person it was definitelyy noteworthy with a hem the was shorter in the front than the back and a color combination that looks ten times better than the picture.)

Also of note was a line called Something Else. Though its name is a bit trite, a few of their pieces were cool but reasonably priced. My favorite was the Tuxedo Sweater with its diagonal button placket and tuxedo-esque (obviously) back. Although it looks a tad see through in the picture, it actually isn't and, for $69 (again, wholesale), I was all over it. My friend Kortnee, who was in town buying for Verse in Chicago's Wicker Park, ordered a quite cool grey, chunky knit cardigan with woolly epaulettes. I'm a tad jealous seeing as I wanted one but it looked like ass on me.


There were a couple more good booths-- I fully expect to spend a few nights obsessing over an Anna Sui beaded vest that I'd eat puppies for-- but Something Else and Anzevino and Florence were my favorites both in price and design. More to come tomorrow.

Coterie, wtf is it?

Now that Fashion Week's over, Market has begun. More specifically, Coterie has started. For those of you (again, humor me, I know I have maybe four readers. maybe) not entirely sure what coterie is, here's what my mom would call The Skinny: hundreds of contemporary price range designers bring their Spring '09 collections to the behemoth Javits Center in the hopes of selling them to retailers from around the country/world.
Well, that's what Coterie officially is. Really though, it's an enormous collection of truly crappy and unoriginal clothing and accessories interrupted every now and again by something fairly legit. I'll be there for the next few days with the ostensible purpose of helping at the Miele booth. What I'll mostly be doing though is surreptitiously sneaking away to place personal orders at wholesale prices.
Check back tonight for pictures and purchasing details for the good stuff.

Worst Advice Ever

While it may technically look a little dumb for me to make two consecutive posts about the same article in Elle, I couldn't fathom lumping my love of garbage bags in with something I detest so much: sheer stupidity.

The goal of the whole Trick or Treat piece seemed to be the identification and fixing of bad looks and the acknowledging and complimenting of good ones. Straightforward enough. I mean garbage bag-esque dresses obviously shouldn't be worn without the proper accessorization and skinny black pants with an elegant fur coat is a no brainer. Duh.

Number one on the list, however, was a painful reminder of the worst trait of most fashion magazines: they are often completely divorced from reality. While this characteristic makes fashion photo shoots exciting and aspirational, it can also really fuck the hand that feeds it.

Here, Elle suggests that the Mormon woman pictured introduce a bit of "irony" and a shorter hemline into her ensemble. She could even do with an opaque tight like Irina Lazareanu! Lucky her to have the editors at Elle providing such helpful fashion tips. Unfortunately, her 50 husbands probably wouldn't be so fond of the suggestions and, oh yeah, short skirts and zippers are the work of the devil.

Yeah, I Like Looking Trashy

While reading the October issue of Elle I came across Style A to Zee: Trick or Treat. Momentarily ignoring the campy stupidity of the title, I gave the picture-heavy piece a gander. Imagine my delight upon reading number two: "Even trash has shape. If you insist on the plastic-bag look, try a belt." You see, I participated in a derelicte-- as in Zoolander derelicte-- party last winter and can honestly say that I was a tad reluctant to remove my rubbery dress at the end of the evening. Once I'd belted it and paired the ridiculous outfit with some opaque tights, Jil Sander boots and a Norma Kamali cocoon coat, I came worryingly close to thinking it was acceptable attire outside the confines of our ridiculous party.

In my defense, the girl at Blockbuster said I looked "hella hott" in my Hefty frock. Funny how inclined I am to trust someone's judgment when they're saying nice things about me...

Bracelets: Balenciaga vs. BLUE

The Balenciaga crystal bracelets that were all over the September issue of Bazaar are kind of drool-worthy. A little more accessible than the Vera Wang snakes and Burberry crystal bibs, these cuffs are actually wearable...provided that you're willing to pay about $2,5oo.

If that's not quite in your price range, check out the Polytima variation at BLUE on A and 9th for a $250 alternative. Bendel's carries Polytima at a 300% mark up but Eleni, the woman who designs and makes the jewelry, sells her stuff directly from the store on Avenue A and is easily flattered into selling wholesale to the public.